‘I enjoy being a girl’

This is your brain after a 2.5-hour commute.

Ah, the punditry that happens when you’re confined to a small space with yourself. The problem is, I don’t even remember any of it. 😉

But I was thinking about how much effort I expended to get ready to go out Saturday night. I mean, I do a LOT of crap — not just then, really, but every day.

The amount of personal-care products used within a half-hour? Mind-boggling:

  • Softsoap for Men (the blue soap — I love the scent and it sticks with me longer than any perfume).
  • Strawberries-and-cream shampoo.
  • Peachy, fruity conditioner.
  • Raspberry shaving gel.
  • Apricot facial scrub.
  • Dry off, spray honeysuckle body dew all over self.
  • Witch hazel on face — best astringent ever.
  • Tea tree oil on blemishes.
  • Deodorant, powder, etc.
  • Vanilla body lotion on non-body-dewed areas.
  • Comb wet hair, spray fruity hair gel.
  • Dry hair, spray coconut-lime body spray in strategic areas.
  • Attempt to force hair to behave. Nuke with 10 kinds of spray — various cornucopia of scents.
  • Choose outfit, nuke with anti-allergen Febreze. (Fucking cat fur.)
  • Starch everything, iron.
  • Brush hair out and start over. More sprays.
  • Apply war paint.
  • Put clothes on. Find vanilla-ish perfume. Spray. Delay. Walk away.
  • And that’s enough of the products. That doesn’t include grabbing scissors and hacking off an inch worth of split ends, plucking eyebrows, trying on four outfits, running around the house with one shoe because the other cannot be found, etc.

    Don’t get me wrong — I love every minute of it and I’ve just described a typical morning routine in general. It would be nice, though, if when you go through all the effort, it would be met with a similar standard of excellence. It’s amazing how, when it’s time to impress, so many people think they can skip that valuable step.

    Of course, like I figured, it’s better than getting to know someone and then they turn out to be a dud after you’ve invested even more energy — might as well figure it out up-front and conserve your energy for the classy people and events that you deserve.

    On iTunes: Britney Spears, “Don’t Let Me Be the Last to Know”

    4 Responses to ‘I enjoy being a girl’

    1. Pratt :

      war paint–heh

    2. Anonymous :

      Strawberries. Apricot. Coconut. Vanilla.

      I don’t know whether to be turned on or go get a salad.


    3. Anonymous :

      Add some whipped cream and you sound like Ambrosia! 😉


    4. Dawn :

      Just goes to show that I’m sweet AND fun to eat! 😉