All about moi, this week’s edition

But before I get started:


And now, for Reader Poll day.

1. How many keys are on your keychain?
Which one? I had to break them out into two because I was having car trouble that was specifically traced back to having too many freakin’ keys weighing the steering wheel down. The main one has four keys — two keys for the apartment and two for the car (one for the locks, another for the Club).

2. What are your favorite pizza toppings?
The more cheese, the merrier. Then maybe chicken and pepperoni tie for second place. And ranch dressing for the crusts. God, damn I’m hungry. …

3. How did you first learn about the birds and the bees?
OH GOOD GOD. In middle school, the school hosted a “presentation night” on the subject for students and parents. I kind of wanted to go, ’cause my mom was young and cool and all that. But then my GRANDFATHER INSISTED on coming. I was mortified. Mor-ti-FIED. I was under my chair when they started talking about the proper way for a woman to wipe herself after using the bathroom — the horror on my grandfather’s face totally did me in.

But I did learn about a company that produced really cool pamphlets that involved a story about three friends (pen pals) coming of age around the same time, and I asked Mom to order those (which she did), and those were fantastic. I think I still have them somewhere — I might give ’em to my niece when she’s old enough.

In any event, I do have the filthiest sense of humor of anyone I know. Not that I have, oh, ANY use for it these days, but I can make a slur out of anything. 😉

4. Are you a Harry Potter reader?
Nah. I’ve gotten away from reading books. Not that I’ve given up BUYING them — I just have the attention span of a gnat and can only function in a magazine-tidbit/headline-feed kind of world.

5. You’ve just won a 3-week vacation, which option do you pick: a cruise and a resort stay, or an adventure trip through the Amazon?
Cruise/resort. Yes, I know I stare at walls all day and want to be outside more, but I can do that from a shuffleboard deck. Besides, I love being near water. And for that matter, near a shower, hot tub, and OH YEAH a real bed!

6. If forced to choose, would you rather eat a bowl full of live cockroaches or a bowl full of cat puke?
Depends on whether the cat puke is just freshly tossed food or whether it’s got that acrid stomach acid scent to it that stains the carpets. I just inherited a big red carpet stain from Miss Molly that will not come out, no matter what I do to treat it.

7. Have you ever been arrested?
Not under this name. 😉 LOL. Seriously, no.

8. Where do you see yourself living and what do you see yourself doing 5 years from now?
I don’t hate living in Northern Virginia. I’ve come to even like my commute for the sheer fact that I am outdoors and in the sunshine and such, although I did tell a Lexus driver to “Drive off a cliff, fucknut!” this morning. Damn Maryland drivers.

The timing of this question is kind of good because I’ve been asking myself the same thing. I am happy doing what I’m doing and where I’m doing it. But I expect to ascend in level of responsibility. At this point, most of my waking time revolves around working or schlepping to and from it. I just turned down another freelance project, so I guess I should give up the prospect of additional money (it’s my own fault — I cannot for the life of me fathom looking at a computer when I get home at night or on weekends, because I like to go out and shop and just otherwise not be at home). Which is fine — I’m happy to focus on one adventure, just so long as it continues to be worth my while to do so.

9. Have you ever asked for a raise? How? Did you get it?
BAHAHAHAHAHA. Of course I have — I worked for a non-profit for three years making $18K/year with NO RAISES. I bitched left right up and down about it, too. Finally, after being told to suck it up and deal with it (my supervisor, I called her Miss Piss — I trained her to do her job and she was making four times my salary). I’d asked for a promotion, but just to spite me (I kid — it was “budgetary” according to the asswads up above), they cut out the open position that had been above me.

The irony? I found a job paying a LOT more than what I was making — I was reporting to the CEO and CFO at the new place, to boot — and when Miss Piss got my resignation, she begged me to stay and suddenly coughed up a $10K raise. I LAUGHED IN HER FACE. I asked where the fuck that money was during the previous three years, because I LOVED my job and it was costing me money to work there (let’s look at my still-screwed-up finances that started unraveling while I worked there, and I didn’t even have a CAR then).

10. Ask me a question.
So, are you and Erica gonna be on “The Amazing Race”? Will we get to see your audition tapes? I am so PSYCHED about this!!!

On iTunes: 50 Cent, “Just a Little Bit”

2 Responses to All about moi, this week’s edition

  1. Erica :

    I’ve gotten away from reading books. Not that I’ve given up BUYING them — I just have the attention span of a gnat and can only function in a magazine-tidbit/headline-feed kind of world. — Me too. Exactly. I have a whole stack of books waiting to be read, and one I’ve been working on for, like, three years. They’re interesting, I just can’t concentrate like I used to.

    As for the Race, I wish we could see our audition tape. I kind of doubt we’ll get to see it unless we get way farther in the process. I don’t think we’re gonna hear about the next round until September.

  2. Pratt :

    Thanks for the shout-out!