What I want, for a change

So a potential hot date turned into a “not” date on Friday. After all, when you know you can’t show up for an event that starts at 6 p.m. even if it’s only five miles away, you tend not to commit yourself to anything.

Alas, this time I could have made it late but I hit a massive snag in the final process of the day. But I called someone from another team at home and everything got fixed.

The person I was supposed to meet said he was proud of me, that I check everything and feel so strongly about getting things right (and could have made it someone else’s problem if I chose to overlook it) that I bugged someone else to help me get it right.

Someone who was happy to help me. Who has saved my ass on multiple occasions. Who truly deserves a medal and has earned my respect in a tremendous way.

I always find amazing people in my life. Everybody important to me came to me through one job or another. Mostly as friends but the occasional date or even relationship-type-thing.

Speaking of dates, there’s this other guy I’ve been talking to online. In his latest message, he asked what I want in a man.

He hasn’t responded to my reply. It’s been DAYS. lol

Mom said something to me today, that I’ve waited a lifetime for love and I’d better never even dream of settling for anything less than what I want.

I won’t.

Here’s the short version of what I told Online Guy:

Just having someone who can take the reins every once in a while — someone who says, “Hey, I’ll take this from here,” whether it’s doing the driving or bringing me a bottle (forget the glass) of wine or basically just knowing when I need something even when I might not realize I need it — that’s the dream.

I didn’t want to scare him away with my full list. But he’s from Europe and just moved to the Lauderdale area. Which knocks off two of my “must haves” right there — worldliness and accessibility.

Seems sweet enough, too. Not in a “could turn out to be a serial killer” kind of way, but who knows. And frankly, my retirement plan involves suicide, so would it REALLY be so bad to be put out of my misery in my prime?

This was a big deal for me. Normally I come up with something clever and cute that I live to serve, whether it’s a job interview or a date interview. But you know what? I’ve held it together for too many decades. I’m running out of time, patience, energy and drive. I need someone who lights that fire, and who can diffuse me when I get fired up by the wrong people for the wrong reasons.

I want the guy who takes me out of my routine. Who gives me a reason to be late for work. Reasons to leave on time without feeling guilty because there’s a pile of work that still hasn’t been tackled. Motivation to go to industry conferences (even if on my own dime. Sigh). A kick in the ass to find the energy to update my core competencies. Inspiration to put more healthy stuff in my mouth and maybe even break a sweat (and not just after walking up stairs after a cigarette). To go to church. To put on a cute nautical outfit and step out on a speedboat and sail far away from here … so that I really do get the distance I need to regenerate my energy, enthusiasm, interest and ideas.

I have always said that the million-dollar idea could be found at any level of the company. I think it’s within me. I really do. But I’ve got my foot stuck in the hamster wheel and I’m just spinning around and around and around and when I stop I’ll probably be in a damn coma because the motion sickness has become as much a character in my story as the cast of human characters.

So, what do I want in a man? What I want from everyone — adoration, respect, love, space when I need it, wine at every opportunity, freedom, closeness, ability to grow, encouragement to be my best because something’s in it for me and not just them, making sure something’s in it for me, something good to look at, someone who worships the sinkhole I walk on and, as Mom said, “someone who eats a mean pussy. Don’t forget that!”

The rest isn’t really so important when you’ve got all that.

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