You know what’s fun? Leaving the office at 9, being on the freeway at 9:30 and a big honkin’ piece of … what, ceiling tile, floor tile, a square of something? … comes hurtling toward you and HITS YOUR CAR.

I didn’t see any damage. Of course, when you’re getting out of your car at 9:45 and there are no lights in your parking lot, that isn’t much of a surprise.

I had my glass o’ wine like I often do (sometimes it’s a shot of rum) and passed out shortly thereafter. That’s the good thing about me … I’m not an expensive drunk. And I really don’t need the liquor but it certainly helps.

I don’t know whether it was the Oyster Bay pinot or what, but I dreamed about Whorothy.

And … I didn’t hate her.

Don’t get me wrong; she was actually telling me some negative things about TG and said she wasn’t that into him.

In the dream she remarked to me, “Oh you’re feminine,” and I’m all, “Huh?” And she said from her stalking of me (heh) that I came across as all business, no bullshit — tough like a man’s supposed to be.

Hm. I know I try to write like a man by keeping things simple, but I think she was also fishing for some girl-on-girl action. Heh. Never in a million years … with her anyway. 🙂

Anyway, it got me to thinking about one of many bosses who loved to preach loyalty. In a non-specific way, of course, so it made you wonder whether they heard you sent your resume somewhere else or someone reported back a moment or three when you blew off steam because it was all you could do.

What nobody gets is that blowing off steam IS loyalty because grabbing the car keys and never looking back is the alternative — it’s calming down, staying and being eager to fight another day that’s loyal.

And if the issue was ever something bigger, well, nobody ever told me about it and I refused to think too hard about it because I’ve had others play the paranoia game with me and there isn’t enough pay in the world to make that a productive time pursuit.

It all got me to thinking about TG, about how his most-loyal (one would hope) person would tell me all kinds of crazy shit like she was waiting her whole life to do so. How she swore me to secrecy.

I don’t do that in my steam-blowing, by the way. If I say it, I say it. But what I would like is that if people feel the need to repeat shit, to do so with a high level of accuracy.

Someone said to me twice last week, “Oh, yeah, like you said …” And I’m like, well that was very clever, yes, but NO those were not my words and, in one case, not even my sentiment.

Anyway, I was saddened that Whorothy was so disloyal to TG with me, because what is she telling her friends?

And now I realize, hmmm, I imagine anyone with a brain would think I’m disloyal to him with this blog. Yet not only have I never felt so deeply about someone, but I like to feel like I have more loyalty to him than she ever could.

The blog is the steam-blower for me — where I make sense of all the weird little misshapen pieces that don’t even belong to the same puzzle. But I wouldn’t be surprised if he read a single word of this page and decided never to talk to me again.

It would kill me. But I’d get it.

Anyway, loyalty. I’ve heard the word enough in my life to make me twitch at the very sound of it. In the end, it’s being there and that’s that. How you get there is a different path for/with everyone. The only truly important factor is feeling like it’s worth hanging in there till the end, because we’ve all been loyal to someone or something and still got burned.

Either way, I did and do my best, by everyone and everything. And if they’re not hearing me, as I mentioned in the last post, I have to figure out how to make that happen … or at least rationalize it to death so that I don’t carry around these concerns/problems/grudges/injustices, perceived or otherwise, for absolute ever.

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