Welcome retrograde

Sometimes, it feels like my life is taken straight from a movie scene. And today, that movie was a porn.

Don’t get too excited — I was just drinking the last of the milk straight out of its little Trader Joe’s jug, and I clearly overestimated my mouth’s capacity because it went streaming out of the sides of my mouth. I thought wow, what a perfect B-movie scene! But then I started laughing and sprayed it everywhere.

I just wish I’d done it AFTER I’d gotten showered/dressed. …

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