Value City Furniture can eat me

Subtitle: Once you go black. …

OK, so after yesterday’s furniture misadventure, sponsored by the flaming assholes at Value City Furniture, I was loath to keep furniture shopping. Because, really, I can spend that money on a MacBook instead. Although I would gander that sitting on a MacBook wouldn’t be quite so enjoyable as a couch, but I digress. 😉

I decided to sleep on the possibility of buying the oyster-colored set I saw last night at a local liquidation sale. And when I woke up, I said enh, fuck it. I’ll keep looking.

So I ended up at my favorite crappy furniture store. I go there a few times a month, just to see what’s new. And when I walked in the door this afternoon, the angels sang hallelujah.

Right inside the door — the first thing I saw — was a black microfiber set. And last night, didn’t those yin-yangs tell me nobody makes black couches anymore, and certainly not in microfiber? Heh, fuck you, assholes. I found the holy grail!

Here’s the set in red, because the black literally just arrived on the showroom floor yesterday:

I sat down right away and was in love. It was a little stiff, but as the sales dude later explained, it hadn’t been adequately tried out by customers yet. I said I had no worries — a few nights a week of my ass plopped on it in front of the TV, and it would feel like a soft, warm hug in no time.

He said, I’ll give you time to think about it. And I said no way in hell was I waiting another minute — ring it up!

For the same price at that big tank of suck called VCF, I could have gotten the sofa, loveseat AND a goddamned dining set. But aw, boo hoo, they lost out. *snaps in a circle* (WTF? Did I just do snaps in a circle?) 😀

I got a discount on delivery because, well, they could walk it to me (after yesterday, hell yeah I stayed local!). And they kicked in some ugly lamps for my trouble, which ironically match my bedroom set. (I never said I liked my bedroom set.) I really wanted the additional overstuffed chair and ottoman, but those added $500 to the bill and I couldn’t do it all.

Delivery is tomorrow, which is awesome because it’s a big week followed by an even-bigger week, so joy. But I kind of laughed because the delivery window? 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. Nothing like fucking me out of the middle portion of my day. I will probably go into work after the delivery, although I am sorely tempted to stay home the whole day and plant my ass on my new purchase.

I was of course hyperventilating as I handed over my debit card. I said you know, keep the fugly lamps and give a customer a paper bag in which to breathe, will ya. For that much money, I should lose 30 pounds or something just for showing up. Lord knows there are mere PENNIES left in my checking account after this odyssey.

In any event, the color is called “Obsession Black.” I was really trying to move toward red or some other color that would give the house some personality, but alas, I always default to black. When I called to tell my mom that I was buying this set, she mused, “Once you go black, eh?” And I realized, yes, how true that is.

Now to order the black votive coffee table and end table from Brylane, although we need to squeeze in a paycheck or two before I can afford it!

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