‘Tired, mechanical heart beats till the song disappears’

“Somebody shine a light
I’m frozen by the fear in me
Somebody make me feel alive
And shatter me.”

Lindsey Stirling, “Shatter Me”

Awhile back, one of my boys was missing me. He said he was dying without me.

I thought he was lying. Or nuts.

Yet every once in a while, I find myself feeling how he said he felt back then.

Not that I say it. Or indulge in it too much.

But on rainy days like these with a birthday looming, I get it.

I remember when we counted down the hours till we would see each other. A random digit texted in the middle of the day or night meant you were on his mind.

I fought so hard for so long to not be on his mind. Now the struggle is to keep small, sweet things like that off of mine.

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