Thundercunts everywhere, part deux

Big Giant Pussy decided to blast his music at 4 a.m. above mom’s room and then drop an oil drum over my bed 30 minutes later. 

He needs to run along and die already. But at least I haven’t heard Thundercunt’s mouth or their bastard children’s feet, so it’s still a win.

But …

I ran into the duck-kicking bitch and she ripped me a new one today

I went downstairs to feed our lone duck. All his friends left but he still hangs around, hoping someone will show him some kindness. 

Something told me not to take the elevator. So I ran down the stairs. As I opened the gate to leave the building, the elevator doors opened behind me … and out came three ugly, unleashed beasts. Four if you count the cunt. 

I made it a point of slamming the heavy wrought iron gate door in her face. I think it got the littlest, ugliest dog. But it gave me a head start before she could stomp up to me. 

Before I say anything, let me point out that the condo bylaws prohibit:

1. Dogs above 20 pounds

2. Dogs not on leashes 

3. Dog poop left to bake in the sun.

The condo even provides bags and trash cans for pet waste. 

Condo bylaws say nothing about interacting with wildlife. 

My duck ran up to me. His little webbed toes were touching mine. We have a game where I throw food and he jumps to catch it in his mouth. It’s the cutest thing ever. 

I saw psycho bitch so I walked the duck away from her. But not fast enough. 

She screamed at me, “Um, we try NOT to feed the ducks here!”

I said OK and threw him another bite. 

“The ducks RUIN the grass!  See how it’s MISSING in places!”

It’s missing because dogs piss and shit all over it. Duh. 

I said, “Funny. It’s been missing since before I moved here.” And fed my boy some more. 

She was flipping out at this point. And I was thanking God for my unique ability to remain calm in the midst of her psychosis. 

I forget all she said. She did rage that the “people UP THERE” … and waved up toward my unit … feed the ducks and they attract tons of ducks and we don’t want that around here. 

Rather than questioning the Royal “we” or saying “we” think she needs her ass beaten, I said, “um it’s one duck.” And I fed him more. 

At this point she’s losing it that i won’t stop feeding him. She screamed a whole bunch more and left. 

A second duck waddled over. She comes by from time to time. And my duck did what he always does — he turned his back to me so I would feed his friend. 

The ducks who live here are clearly more civilized than the residents. 

The bitch watched me the whole time from 50 yards away. Huffing and hands on hips. 

Can you imagine being so unhappy with your life that it OFFENDS you that someone shows five minutes of  kindness to a living creature?

I had enough food to feed the neighborhood. But I was thrilled to give the ducks a little nibble and I didn’t want them hanging around for her to run back and kick them. 

Think about that for a moment. That’s how awful she is. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. 

I ran back up the steps and filled mom in. She said the cunt honestly had no idea who I was. Like she completely forgot that she charged me around the lake.

I thought maybe she was too smart to bring it up because I have some very nasty comebacks ready for moments like these. Like maybe she was pretending we hadn’t met, like I was. I was committed to discounting her existence. 

But I think mom is right. This bitch is so loony, she might forget meeting me this time. Does she do this to everyone who feeds the ducks? I ain’t the only one. 

That said, say hi for fuck’s sake. Or say nothing like most other residents. Who the fuck is she to think she can approach anyone? And tell ME what to do when she’s broken three condo laws in that five minutes?

I hope Santa dislodges the hunk of coal up her ass. It’s got to be miserable being so pissed off at the world that seeing a duck eating some leftover movie popcorn makes you take a stroke. 

What a miserable way to live. 

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