Things you wouldn’t have believed had I told you about them at the time

So I was told unceremoniously by a friend I dated briefly — when I called to ask if perhaps said friend could join me for a drink on my birthday a few weeks back since I didn’t have any other plans and it would have really been fun to spend some time with said friend again — that perhaps I should consider a dating service.

(There is actually a reason behind his bizarre behavior. Although this shit was not fair at all. AT ALL.)

One might think homicide was committed that day. It was not. That option, however, is not off the table.

But alas, with friends like mine (minus K and A, who called me on my birthday to ask when they could take me out and I JUST SO HAPPENED TO BE FREE THAT NIGHT and we had an AWESOME time), counting on them for much of anything is kind of a joke lately. So I took his advice.

I won’t tell you about the crazy people I keep meeting in bars. (Seriously, EVERY TIME I GO OUT.) God bless the person in my area code who has my phone number, as I have given out “my” number with the local area code entirely too many times. Of course, there is the guy I was so drunk that I FORGOT to lie about the area code. (Nobody ever asks down here so I don’t offer it — this one asked. REGRET, REGRET, REGRET.)

Anyway, I polished up my old dating profile and, holy shit, the responses. Seriously, I don’t know why all youse guys leave me on the market — one of these days I’m going to get snatched up and all I’m going to hear is how I was the one who got away.

Oh wait, I’ve heard that three times this year. Thanks for the confidence boost, boys! 😀 (Still) love you, but as a friend now. …

Anyway, I was going through my latest pile of fan mail and got one of those that said, “You must get a lot of letters and I’m sick of girls who don’t respond. I dare you to reply.”

Um, fuck you. I dare you to make your profile more interesting so that you don’t have to bully girls into replying.

And THIS is why, even when a guy breaks your heart, you think fondly back to all the good times you had with him because it is SCARY to see what else is out there.

As I told my friend who said I should try the dating services, after I’ve been treated so well on dates by certain people *hork* *cough* *hint*, it’s pretty damned hard to settle for anything less.

Alas, I’m still on the lookout for Mr. (I Don’t Want to Poke Him) Right (in the Eye). …

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