The sun is shining wherever she is right now
I stayed away from the computer and my imaginary princes and went to a true fairytale wedding this weekend.
My beautiful bride friend has had me tagging along with her since the beginning — from picking the place all the way through to the cake tasting. The hotel staff treated me as a guest of honor even though all I did was go along for the ride.
But may I just say, I’ve lost a lot of faith in love and hope and humanity through the years, and just this one night gave it all back to me … and then some. I never dreamed all this existed. Or that it could happen for me, too. And I really want it to.
Seeing two people who are truly made for each other, with the perfect wedding day despite the torrential downpours that canceled out their beachside ceremony, taught me that the sun shines if you let it. As one of my brilliant companions said to me, “The sun is shining wherever she is,” about our lovely, beaming bride.
At the reception, I had the opportunity to connect with some people I loved and, by my own choosing, lost. Silly, I know. But the environment in which I had left them was treacherous. Cutting ties was, I figured, for their benefit. But in the end, what happened was we lost a year and a half of friendship. And that shit ends here.
And a couple of those friends placed me right back on my pedestal, which made me woozy after being knocked down so much and for so long. I forgot how nice the view was … how special people really thought I was. All I do anymore is doubt myself and, unfortunately, screw up accordingly in support of my poor mental mapping.
What can I say? I am my own crown of thorns. (Hat-tip to Sandra Bullock in “Hope Floats” there.)
My update on my three princes is such that I still have the first one on bended knee, but not for long. The carriage turns back into a pumpkin today unless I say otherwise.
The faraway prince asked me to stall the ready prince for two weeks. He ain’t proposing till he’s ready.
The third prince whom I dearly love is hoping to hit the lottery in the meantime.
I know it’s the next (big) step in my career. But when it all comes down to it, isn’t it just a job? I can’t quite figure it out. This means everything to me right now. I have to pick right. I also have to pick soon. Can our princess get everything she wants?
To complicate matters, wouldn’t you know it that our princess has been offered three dates in the meantime?
I seriously don’t get polygamy on the relationship front, and I don’t know how the hell to handle it professionally. But I do hope to get married and keep one or two boytoys on the side. Professionally, of course. Shit, I can’t even get one good man, let alone find three at once! Not that that will stop me from looking. …
Today will bring resolution one way or another. I just need one more piece of information before I can knock over the first domino. And then, there ain’t no undoing it. You’d think I’d be grateful for the time of rest (er, unrest), but I’m ready to let go, let God, and get out of the way.