Struggle, struggle, struggle

Because I didn’t have enough health problems this year, I stopped in at the dentist yesterday to get an impression for my crown (although I think a tiara is more befitting of a Goddess) and they decided to do a full-on exam.

Three hours later (sigh) I had a proposed bill for four grand and a toothache from all the poking and prodding.

Here’s the thing. Every new job I get, I start going to the dentist. Then I max out my spend (and ultimately my cash) and I’m screwed. And that’s where I am right now.

So then I go five years before I need emergency work, and the cycle starts anew.

Usually it’s money that ends my healthy dreams. And the last seven years, it’s having a mom who’s falling apart and I’ll be damned if I spend a dime on myself when she needs the help more. I’m trying to SAVE UP here, people.

Only, it feels different this time. My mouth is a mess. There is no more “I’ll deal with it in another five years” left on this clock.

And here I thought I was going to get to Europe this summer. Which I was already struggling with because, well, Mom. But the other end of that struggle is, “How long will I have this opportunity?”

Mostly I keep my faith in God that a miracle can arrive any day now. Or a spaceship. I’ll take either.

Mom says to just take care of me. I work, she says. I’ve earned my keep. I’ve earned my health. She says she has not.

I say I know plenty of people who don’t do a damn thing and get covered through their spouses. So, she does deserve help. But I’m barreling toward the state she’s in, which is just about too far gone to save.

Here’s to hoping it’s never too late. For any of us. For anything we desire. For anything we DESERVE.

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