Sometimes you’re the rock; sometimes you’re the riverĀ 

Carrie Fisher said she has two personalities, Roy and Pam. They represent the extremes of mental illness. One is the dinner, she says, and the other is a check. 

I think she died worrying about her mom. I fear I will do the same. 

I’m not kidding. I need to get my affairs in order. Not that mom wouldn’t pull a Debbie Reynolds and die the next day. She totally would. 

Watching them in “Bright Lights” reminded me of us. We sing and laugh all the time too. I just wish, when I was working so hard when I was young, I had amassed wealth like Carrie did. This whole turning the whole paycheck over to the landlord thing is killing me. 

Was telling a friend I know I’ll have to work till I die. But as I age, I want to go see the beach on a weekday. Binge-watch whatever is on my DVR. Ease my aching joints or soul and not have to suck it up and put on makeup and be at a too-early meeting and have to work late to compensate. 

I don’t know that 23-year-old me could have done anything different. Life worked out the way it did. It’s been good. I’ll grant it that. 

But with the Mango Mussolini’s reign about to begin, I think we will see a lot of people losing their will to live or at least to fight. 

I joke that I might as well spend my money now because the world will end. I wonder what would happen if I paid zero taxes like him. 

And I wonder what I could be achieving without getting sucked into stories about how much that dumb fuck sucks. 

And that brings me to this:

Just leaving that here. For whenever I’m not busy being the rock or crying a river. Or both at the same time. 

Comments closed.