So I finished a journal today

In amazing news, I found Inspiration at a coffee shop, and I wrote till my brains fell out I ran out of pages and my ink-stained hands destroyed my new (totally on-sale) white Nine West purse with the snakeskin strap. But that doesn’t matter — my beloved black-and-pink dream journal, themed “Letting Dreams Run Their Course,” is now officially jam-packed with nothing but.

Now to muster up the courage to read it. 😉 Else put the damned thing away and not ruminate over its contents and start a new one already, themed “Turning Dreams into Reality.”

And while the madness shall stay firmly between the pages of the journal that will ultimately be buried in the box in my closet marked “Bondage Materials,” I still get a giggle when I read this passage (written today) when somebody said something surprising to me as we were eating ribs:

“That was the first time I’ve ever gagged on the bone in my throat.”

*takes a bow*

That was the only funny thing written, I assure you. The rest is this weird mixture of reality and delirium, expectations and wishes, disillusionment and hope. Lots of roundabouts inspired by my observations but nothing fully quantified. Like a handwritten version of this blog, truth be told.

And while I still truly believe I need some tangible beauty and color and inspiration in my world, I’ve found that I’m perfectly capable of creating my own in the interim. And even regenerating it when all else seems lost and barren and otherwise impossible to swallow. (Heh.)

In any event, until I get wherever I need to go — in every sense — I’ll just keep searching for it in my own mind so that I will know my Utopia when I finally reach it. Till then, I — we — all need to keep believing that such a place exists, else we’ll rush right past it and not even recognize it if it reached out to trip us. And maybe, if I’m right, we’re already more than halfway there, and each experience brings us closer to the “better days” that we’ve been promised.

On iTunes: Martina McBride, “Anything’s Better than Feeling the Blues”

One Lonely Response to So I finished a journal today

  1. IndigoSunMoon :

    Ya know…I finished a paper journal once. I started another one because I thought I was really going to get into this thing ya know? Leave a little piece of me behind, so that maybe folks would know the real me once I’m gone.
    Haven’t written in the damn thing in six months.
    This internet blog ROCKS!