Sad

My BFF from up north texted me that her mom had a surprise baby shower today

I have the biggest pile of gifts here for her. I’ve been waiting for this day. And yet here I am. 

She said her mom sent me an invitation twice and it got sent back both times. 

I wanted to be there. I would have been there. It sure would have beaten sitting around here all day listening to Yo-Yo Morherfucker (i.e., Thundercunt) and Jesus Fucking Christ (i.e., Big Giant Pussy), christened accordingly after their favorite phrases, fighting for 16 solid hours till I had to leave. 

I can’t stop feeling sad. I wanted to be there. I was ready to be there. I’d give anything to be there. And I will always be there in any way I can. I’m just bummed that this world keeps turning and it’s like I’m not even a part of it anymore.  But I guess attending a shower won’t solve that. 

I thought briefly of when my friend Susan wanted me to be her kid’s godmother. I bought piles of gifts and sent them and was getting ready to go back home for the christening when I heard she picked someone else and had the christening early. 

I quit talking to her over that. Wouldn’t you?

Anyway this wasn’t even close. But this is my second “fambly” and it sucked missing out on such an important day. But I’m over the moon that she had a great day and sent photos like she has through every stage of her pregnancy. 

It’ll be ok. But I has a sad and I’m going to keep it for a little while longer. 

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