‘Run to the water, and find me there, burned to the core but not broken’

Look bad; feel magnificent

Originally uploaded by dcwriterdawn

The luster of moving to the beach had pretty much faded once I had to drag the Extended Houseguest along. The luster of D.C. died about the time she got dropped on my doorstep there, too. I can’t hate every city just because she’s in it, though.

Every day starts with her begging me to take her somewhere. Today was no different. But as I typically do, I got ready and walked out to my car like a normal human being. Amazing, that.

One of my boys had used the word “codependent” last night. And it scared me — we all know she’s dependent (and needy, clingy and wildly unrealistic). But is there some part of me that is starting to function around her dysfunction?


So I figure God gave me free will. And I took my free will and my happy ass to several stores I needed today (including the Apple Store. Many thanks to Tom for telling me which FireWire I needed! Saved me a TON of heartache).

I also took my happy Irish ass to the beach. (It’s a happy RED and FRECKLED ass right now.) OK, so my ass isn’t red. But the rest of me sure is.

I wasn’t there long; I think I paid for an hour on the parking meter. Took a long walk barefoot in the water after eating a naughty Boston Creme cupcake from Passion for Pastry. (I also bought a Cookie Dough and a Snickerdoodle cupcake. Can’t wait to try them!)

I had to shove my iPod into my shirt (classy, I know) because the second I got there, I got soaked by a renegade wave. Since all my clothes are too big, my denim skirt with shorts underneath were hanging about eight inches lower than they’re supposed to, and I had to walk to try to dry all those layers. Luckily all electronics were in my purse at that time!

I can’t figure out how I’ll fit in here with all my low-rider pants, when everyone else has theirs belted below their nipples!

The song on my iPod was “Time to Say Goodbye” by Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman. OMG, great beach song. For me, anyway, because it always reminds me of watching the fountains at the Bellagio in Vegas do their “water dance.” (That and the theme from “Somewhere in Time.”)

Tiff commented on the Flickr version of this shot that I look happy. And I was. It was so weird being on that beach and realizing that I was smiling and even laughing for no apparent reason. I mean, sure there are reasons. But to just find myself in a moment, being absolutely uninhibitedly happy? Wow. Just wow.

It IS time to say goodbye. To the life before. To the last version of Goddess. To never being able to say “TGIF” because it was automatically a 12-hour-plus workday from the get-go. Time instead to say hello to living at the edge of the world, and having that world in the palm of my hand at the same time.

If I didn’t have the Extended Houseguest, I’d have nothing to be upset about right now. (Her new theory is that I “DRAGGED” her down here to be miserable toward her.) So maybe that’s why that portion of my life remains like a hot poker up my patootie. To remind me to enjoy the moments of bliss when they crash upon my shores.

I am just grateful that I still know how to feel good. Up until recently, I was resigned to the fact that I’d forgotten how and could never re-learn that incredible skill. But Happy Goddess has been here all along; she’s moving closer to fine after all. …

One Lonely Response to ‘Run to the water, and find me there, burned to the core but not broken’

  1. Tiff :

    FYI, because Twitter is being wonky… you should still be able to get your files off the G4 with just the FireWire cable, even with FileVault. Hop on to IM sometime, and we’ll see if we can get you fixed up.