Riding my mental broom

After visiting my money-hungry dentist for the final time today, I had full intentions on torching my old apartment building. But instead I stopped for an avocado smoothie (WTF) and proceeded to want to torch the new building.

So I ordered a key fob (gate key) a week ago. Paid for it. Waited for it. Asked every day for it.

Stopped downstairs today to ask where the F it is.

They gave it to the landlord. Who lives like 10 miles from here. But they had no proof that I live here (???) so they thought they’d give it to him to do what he wanted to do with it.


So … nobody could have TOLD ME THIS?

In any event, I asked for and got a new key fob.

I got upstairs.

It was a garage opener.

This after listening to The Elephant Family tromping around upstairs for the past 10 nights. And the toilets running constantly. And the garage doors almost closing on my car. And the two-year-old house that looks like the Wreck of the Hesperus.

So, I did what I tend to do. I flipped.

I went back downstairs and said hey, the dumb bitch who didn’t clean my house broke my garage key anyway. Can I keep this one?

They said no.

They said by the way, you didn’t fill out your paperwork. I said I filled out 18 pages of paperwork for the HOA. They said no, there’s one more paper. And had I filled it out, they wouldn’t have sent my key to the owner.

I said again, no one could have TOLD ME THIS?!

I got the key fob I needed (gate key) and they did give me a less-broken garage key. But they kept the keyring that holds the garage and gate keys together.

I was so furious, I flew out of there on my mental broom.

Mom finally got brave and used the oven today. Even that’s fucked up. It continues to run long after it’s shut off.

I told her fuck the $1,750 security deposit. Let the cat scooch. I’m nailing things and people to the walls. Anyone need to host a ritual sacrifice? Bring Your Own Blood. I got key fobs for everybody. COME ON OVER.

Let’s wake up the fucking neighborhood …

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