It’s interesting to realize people think I’m acting out-of-character when, for once, I am being completely and totally myself.

It took being in a class where I actually got to talk and laugh and interact with the people I normally e-mail/IM to bring me out of my little shell, which I will promptly retreat back into today. I am so out-of-my element anymore — I try so hard to keep my mouth shut and my head down, but it’s so not me to not have an opinion (and a strong one) about everything (one that I cannot help but voice).

I find though that even though I’ve been reining in my veritable Tourette’s syndrome, it’s like it still emanates via body language anyway. I love how we’re trained and encouraged and rewarded to stuff a sock in it — that’s how you get ahead in life, apparently. So, when I get those rare moments when I can be over-the-top, everyone can excuse it as me being passionate. But deep down inside, I know that the real me is still alive and well and waiting for a chance to paint the town.

I’ve missed you, old girl. Hang in there for a little while longer. …

One Lonely Response to Ponderous

  1. Evil Genious :

    “I try so hard to keep my mouth shut and my head down…”

    Wow. That captures me perfectly. This was a wonderful post and I admire you for your strength.