Pin the tail

In strange news, it appears Topo Gigio and I have finally become friends.

I think it has finally dawned on him that while I don’t agree with him settling for the hottest of the world’s hot messes, I’m perfectly willing to support it as I continue my quest for Something More.

He’s been going through Some Stuff and I think he’s surprised just how much I’ve got his back. He’s a private one — even told me that I was his last “new friend” (apparently I was either THAT AWESOME or simply ruined him for life) that he’s made.

Yet, he’s keeping this stuff to himself otherwise.

To which, I say, if he wants to make her the center of his life, clearly he should want her to know about these latest developments. But alas, he doesn’t want to inconvenience her for his own comfort and need.

I don’t know. If she were so awesome, I’d imagine she’d want to know and to be with him. I mean, if something happened to him and I didn’t know (as just his friend), I’d be out of my mind with every emotion you can possibly name, and about six more on top of it.

Maybe she’s self-centered that way. Or maybe she really WOULD want to be here for him, if only he’d let her. I said if it’s her intention to be with you, let her be there for you. And if she chooses otherwise, then you’d know.

Perhaps that’s what he’s afraid of?

Sure he tries to keep things from me and certainly plays the chipper sage instead of just being real when I need for him to be real with me. But the latest drama has changed things practically overnight.

What’s funny is I thought it might make me change my feelings of friendship back to where they were before. But it hasn’t.

Sure, I wanted the love story. Didn’t happen. And I would have been OK with the “finding comfort in each other till something better came along” bit.

Alas, he’s not that kind of guy. And I respect the hell out of that.

I just don’t agree with what his choices have done to him in the meantime. And if he isn’t re-evaluating everything about his life and chances missed right now, given the circumstances, then I don’t know what would.

But if anybody out there understands it, I do.

Life’s all about compromise, I get that. But it oftentimes feels like we’re giving up — or at least delaying — things that would mean the world to us and not getting anything in return. It’s not that we outright want others to destroy their own well-being to give us an eye for an eye. But compromise isn’t “one person doing all the hurting” — it’s “two people finding a happy middle ground through finding a concession or two apiece.”

I guess, in this scenario, I see one person NOT hurting or giving anything up. Someone being nothing more than the donkey to which he pins his tail of hopes and dreams. And I don’t know whether he’s a hero for protecting her or whether he’s just the guy who keeps playing the game till he takes off the blindfold he’s so eagerly stapled to his face.

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