‘Paint me on canvas so I become what you could never be’
Today’s Gemini horoscope:
Daily Work: Of course you’re frustrated. Who wouldn’t be if they were dreaming about change but not doing anything about it? Transformation is within your reach, if you start to make an effort.
Daily Singles Love: A fiery fantasy might become a reality if you give someone who’s been pursuing you a chance. Throw caution to the wind and let your heart call the shots for a change.
Wait, what? Following my heart? Who, me?
Nevermind that I’ve had the same dream four nights in a row. Yes, four.
Anywho, I’m still rather amazed that I left work on time last night to, like, do something. Something for me. Something way overdue and too-often-overlooked in the hustle to work, work and work some more.
I guess I inflict this mental pressure on myself, that if I’m always working, then I’m securing my job and am also not otherwise getting into trouble.
But I’ve been avoiding someone … me. I’ve been avoiding my needs and desires and all the things that make me, well, me. I’ve chosen to avoid relationships 100% and only to date people who are as emotionally unavailable as they come.
And with good reason — I apparently lack the empathy gene and apparently love not having to invest any time into anyone. Actually, that’s overstating the issue — I just haven’t made the time for anything or anyone I could care about, so I always have the excuse that I don’t “have” the time … instead focusing on my career and thinking the rest will happen “when it’s meant to.” That things will “fall into place.”
Guess what? They don’t. So sometimes, you gotta force the issue. And that’s exactly what I’m doing.
I’m scared and excited and confused and don’t know what the hell to do next. But it sure beats being frustrated and stuck and hopeless.
I like the person I’ve become so far. But she ain’t done yet … far from it.
“Hello, let me introduce you to
The characters in the show
One says yes, one says no
Decide – which voice in your head you can keep alive.”— Shinedown, “I Dare You“
June 25th, 2008 at 9:25 AM
Wow. I feel like I should have written that “And with good reason” paragraph, because that’s me!
Good luck, Dawn. Hope to hear details later! *big hugs*
June 25th, 2008 at 11:47 AM
[…] If I were slimy, evil, and underhanded, I’d plagiarize my friend and pretend these words were mine and not hers: But I’ve been avoiding someone … me. I’ve been avoiding my needs and desires and all the things that make me, well, me. I’ve chosen to avoid relationships 100% and only to date people who are as emotionally unavailable as they come. […]