Paint and poop fumes

OK, we know I woke up early and couldn’t access my computer so I drove in. Fine.

I go to Starbucks and say “Hey I’d like to use one of my many rewards.” I plunk down a salad, ask for a turkey bacon sammich and request my java.

My bill is WAY too much, I notice as I scan my phone.

Fucker said well you didn’t tell me you wanted to use a reward.

Fuck him — I’m going back to my old Bux up the street. This is BS, the one I am closer to now.

Then they ran out of turkey bacon sammiches.

I put everything back and said nice knowin’ ya.

THEN, I’m locked in the castle by myself when Paco the Painter lets himself in.

I thought he was nice at first. Introduced himself to let me know he’s here. He’s going to be doing some more work today and tomorrow. And could I use your bathroom?

I say sure. And am immediately treated to the biggest, stinkiest SHIT any human has ever taken.


Then he wanders in and starts hitting on me. He likes white girls. He likes white girls my age, which he’s guessing is between 35 and 40. I think he said something about living in Boca and preferring girls with no kids. Hell if I can tell through the accent.

Now, my Trump-supporting friends would say send him back. But I’m a reasonable person and not into voting for a nutcase. And I fucking BLAME TRUMP for showing men how AWESOME it is to be so forward and crass with women that they can just do it in their goddamn sacred space.

He asked if I am here every day. I said I need to work now. He wasn’t happy.

He also asked if I were single. I said no. He said something garbled that I translated into basically “how taken am I.” I’m like dude, not married but not looking. Got it?

And apparently he’s living with someone in Boca. I don’t know. Can’t give a shit … not in public like he did anyway. Ugh. No wonder my attraction to men seems to wane with every passing year.

Thankfully I have locks on my door so he can’t get in here. I hope.

Utter and complete horseshit.

And I’m really hungry and undercaffeinated, too.

One day we will laugh about this. That day however is not today. As I choke on paint and poop fumes.

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