Not in love

Weeks ago, I thought I was. But now that the lease has been signed and the apartment has been viewed, I’m feeling such a letdown.

It’s smaller than I remember. And if that’s what they call clean, they need a reality check, because Maddie has done less damage to my current carpet. I signed my lease on the condition that all the crap gets taken care of before I return to pick up the keys.

It’s kind of noisy there, too. It’s sort of wedged between two busy streets. I have a Starbucks within view of my balcony, though, and somehow that makes it all worth it. 😉 Hooray for girly, frou-frou drinks on demand!

I’d expected a little cognitive dissonance anyway, as I am slapping down a lot of money, and I guarantee you I don’t have that much in the account from which I wrote the checks. 😉 But that’s not bothering me in the least — money’s not the issue (for the first time in my life).

I am beginning to think, though, that I like the complex but just not the unit itself. I know, I don’t HAVE to take it, but I am also not in the mood to renegotiate another lease and special prices and such. I forgot I don’t have Good Friday off, so I am going to be doing triple-time packing this weekend (and deal with Mom’s guilt trips that I’m missing Easter with the family).

So, I made a deal with myself to hang in there for a year but to maybe try to get back into freelancing on the side and then upgrade to a bigger unit. I mean, you’ve got to love a place that gives you a care package full of toiletries and chocolates and other snacky goodness. (Ooh, shiny!)

Seriously, though. I know me. I know I’ve already tired of spending $30 every time I fill up the gas tank every four days. This odyssey will be overwith soon enough — that’s what I’m living for, at this point.

I made a promise to myself as I drove up to my new neighborhood. I told myself that this is the fresh start I’ve been wanting. I am no longer hoping that it will be what turns my life around — it simply HAS to turn my life around. Rather, I’ve got to take the opportunities and graces that I’ve been afforded and maximize them.

That, and seriously? I have got to get that hot guy’s number who I saw in the rental office. … 😉

4 Responses to Not in love

  1. Valbee :

    I think this is an excellent plan. Shall those of us hanging out here remind you of it on the not-so-good days that always seem to surface?

    You’ve inspired me. Reading about your fresh start is encouraging me to remind myself that there’s nothing lost by trying something new. Comfort zones are so… comfy. But I don’t want to be comfy anymore.

  2. The Goddess :

    That’s the thing — I’m never comfortable. And I’m accustomed to feeling like life is a too-small shoe and I’ve gotta stuff myself into it because that’s my lot in life. And I guess I was hoping for instant perfection because of all the chafing I’ve already experienced.

    So yeah, please feel free to remind me that even the worst days to come are probably still better than some of the best ones that have already passed!

  3. Erica :

    A new start is a good thing, I think.

  4. Caterwauling :

    […] First I was in love. Then I wasn’t. Now, I’m OK with being “just friends” with my new newER apartment. […]