My favorite show on earth, “Grey’s Anatomy,” was not up to par tonight. I didn’t even realize it was a two-hour show till just now, as it’s 11 p.m. and all. I just thought the parts where they were setting up the spin-off for Addison Montgomery just SEEMED miserably long. But they didn’t seem long — they were!

The 20 minutes we got to spend with the usual crew of Seattle Grace were brilliant, of course. I see myself in Cristina more and more. Just the girl who’s always been the leader, the best student, the no-bullshit broad … but someone who just craves a little direction from someone else. It’s hard being in complete control of your destiny.

It’s nice to let someone else kind of guide you through the big and small moments sometimes. I guess it’s just a relief to be able to know someone has your best interests at heart and has your back, no matter what. I want that trust. I want that guidance and yet space to come along when you’re ready. People like her character and me, we’ll follow when we want to, and that’s what ultimately makes it our decision, even if someone else is leading the way.

I guess I finally felt like someone else “got” the stuff I’ve had swimming around my head of late (theoretically), because I don’t know how to talk about it and I don’t know how to process it otherwise. Nothing bad — quite the opposite, actually. But I guess I don’t know what to do with all these grown-up emotions when I feel like I am starting down brand-new paths that were never open to me before. I appreciate anyone who can help me to fumble along until I feel like I’m on solid ground again.

And that’s the thing — I LIKE the unknown. It just scares me, is all. But it doesn’t scare me enough to send me running back to what I know. I just need to know that I’m going to end up somewhere wonderful, surrounded by — I don’t know — everything and not standing on these unfamiliar roads by myself when I thought I would have a little bit of light to help me find my way to the other side.

Babbling as usual. But to bring it back to the show (because, let’s face it, life and TV always seem to walk in lockstep, in my world), it’s not (just) that I love “Grey’s” for the superb writing and acting. It’s how it helps to clarify my thinking that keeps me coming back, time and again. When the show goes on hiatus for the summer in two episodes, I’ll be living my life without my “friends,” but it will all feel right when I can continue learning about myself from them again in the fall.

So till then, I’ll be celebrating victories and making mistakes without having a pop culture reference for everything that happens to — and for — me. But leaving me to make sense of it all, left simply to my own wacky emotions and sometimes-convoluted logic? Is a TV series waiting to happen. … 😉

Comments closed.