Machete part

I feel lik someone parted my hair with a machete. No I’m not rewatching  the GOP debate and the Ted Cruz tonsil stone (ew). I just have a headache for days and my first cold since 2014. 

It was a hard day. Mom is so sick and I’m thinking that I should stop contributing to my 401(k) to get her some care. 

I mean, the account looks like shit this year anyway. But I’d miss the matching program. Obviously I haven’t thought this one through. 

I feel bad bringing germs into the house. That lady has enough problems. 

Today I was woozy and achy and forgetting every train of thought. So she gets upset and says I am making her feel unwanted. Like I’d be happier if she weren’t here anymore. 

I am unsure how one draws that conclusion in that particular moment. I don’t think it was a guilt trip. I would like to think I’ve done more than most. 

But it reminds me it isn’t enough because i don’t know how much longer I can keep her alive with all the health issues. 

Naturally I think about all the fun stuff we will do if we get a miracle. I want that. I want the pain to go away. And I know it will.  I just don’t know how, when and whether the result is a happy ending or not. 

So yeah. Ain’t got no time to be sick. Work doesn’t stop. Worry doesn’t stop. The time to worry about me ain’t now. Not that I’m all that effective when I’m physically healthy. Obviously. 

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