Loose ends

I think I’ve mentioned Mom’s psychic-ness. And she dragged out a name from my five-years-ago past out of the blue this week.

Later that day, I heard from him.

How does she DO that?

She said she thinks I broke his heart. I had to give that one some thought since all I did was protect mine.

The whole mention is timely because my self-defense mechanism is in high gear. Not *as* high, mind you. There are some chinks in the armor after years of use. And, I didn’t think there were any real stakes back then.

I wonder if Mom was right about that after all. Of course, she’s right about everything.

I remember it like it was yesterday. I was up for anything. After a fight, I became willing to be wooed. I was 100% ready to do whatever he wanted. And when it came time to head for the door, I almost forgot my coat on the way out, literally — that’s how quickly I sprinted.

If anything made him miss me, it had to be that. That I wanted nothing from him. That I didn’t give a damn about his money or the power or the life that went with it.

I wanted to see inside and know the person no one else did, and I was OK leaving with those secrets.

It’s still my secret. And if you guess, I will deny it.

In any case, I never romanticized it or him. I just wonder now whether that’s a blueprint to use again and again, or whether doing the arm’s length thing with an iron fist hurt me instead.

I didn’t give him a chance to hurt me. But I wonder if I also didn’t give him a real chance to please me if that might have been what he wanted to do.

I guess we’ll never know, although the universe has a funny, funny way of making sure you tie up those loose ends.

And if it does so by creating more, well, I’m going to make a big bow out of them and hope for the best.

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