It’s all good
There are days when you feel as though the world is sucking out your soul through a coffee stirrer jammed into your jugular, and then there are days when all finally feels right. Today? Is the latter.
I’m on my way to see my friend (finally!). We just got off the phone. Normally, when she’s on the phone, her little girl will squeal, “Talk Aunt Dawn!” and we will talk and she will tell me she loves me and then she’ll kiss and lick the phone. Ew. But today, she took a nap here on the same coast and in the same city as me, and when she awakened, she said, “See Aunt Dawn!” And I got the call to come visit. Which, squee!
I have a doll for Alex that’s as big as she is. I wasn’t sure what to get for Jordan, so I settled on a sleeper that says “I’m crawling and I can’t get up.” Stupid, yes, but he’s outgrown the very cute sleeper I bought him six months ago that’s still wrapped in Sesame Street paper and sitting in my desk drawer. Mom says that can go in my hopeless chest, although she’s worried that with me being around a toddler and an infant, her dreams of grandmotherhood will be shot in half an hour. And she’s probably right. 😉
Anyway, I could tell when Shan’s plane landed. The air felt different. Even though I’ve been sort of inaccessible since then (Tuesday night), I’ve still felt better because we’re finally in the same city again, even if only for a few days.
It’s cruel how the universe has placed me in a city that’s not-convenient to my family (although I might argue that it’s just far enough away for me) and insanely far from my friend — she’s like the sister I never had. (Incidentally, I do have a half-sister with the same name, but I’ve never met her and don’t need her.) Shan’s the sister I was meant to have, and while I get frustrated not seeing her as often as I want to, I’d be a hell of a lot worse off if we’d never met at all.
And tonight, it feels amazing to go not only see people I’m dying to see, but who are equally thrilled to be in the same room with me. This is what I’ve missed most, living on my own in D.C. Having a family or something close to it, having people around whom I can drop that ever-present guard of barbed wire and electric fence.
A number of you have written to me and asked about my new apartment complex — why I had to be in that particular one. Why I didn’t look around more and compare amenities and prices and even neighborhoods. It’s because the place has a concierge — a freaking activities director. Because they organize social events and outings and dinners and parties and all kinds of stuff I don’t get to do due to time/effort/will to live constraints. I’ll have that time again. I’ll have that spark again. And I will hopefully be able to network and light up again instead of only knowing the difference between each day by what’s on television that particular night.
Anyway.
I’m off to have the best night that I’ve had in a looooonnng time!