‘I’m not happy, but I’m going to be’
It’s a Nina Gordon/”Bleeding Heart Graffiti” kind of day here in the neighborhood. Although it’s more of a “Turn on Your Radio” day than the “Don’t Let Me Down” that this entry title stems from.
All I have to say is this. I’m hoping I’ve finally reached the point in my existence where the universe has tormented me enough for one lifetime. There’s a part of me that feels so free of all the crap right now, and it’s almost scary how easily things will fall through your fingers if you just let them.
Scarier still how other things slip away, too, as though you were holding on with a thick coat of baby oil slicked on your skin in the process.
Oh well.
I think this is the point where normal people question their self-worth. And maybe I’m odd in that I don’t. I just think maybe I had to burn out and die a little bit so that something new can rise from the ashes. It just never ceases to amaze me that, no matter how irons a girl can throw into the proverbial fire, everything can still end up icy cold.
“All the horses and all the men
Couldn’t bring her back again
And we tried so hard
But couldn’t save her day
All the millions and the billions
Of stars that shine into her eyes
Were barely bright enough to light her way.”— Nina Gordon, “Bones and a Name”