If you wanted bitchy, all you had to do was ask

My boys have a habit of leaving me for homely women with acerbic wit. And by that, I mean they are washed-out, old-looking little things that are mean on their Facebook walls to the men who adore them down to the paper bag and muzzle they should be wearing. 

Ok it’s just two boys. Ain’t gonna be a third. I promise. 

I was looking at the latest one’s wall last night. She’s Whorothy with a different hair color and less black smudged eyeliner. Maybe a little more articulate but I found myself reading her with the same mean tone. 

I used to feel bad about nice guys being with these bitches. Then j realized someone is married in both those relationships anyway (hence, “Whorothy,” the whore) and they shouldn’t be fighting or flirting, in public or private, with anyone outside of their “sacrosanct” union. 

I gotta hand it to the Westboro Baptist Church. I thought they’d be Kim Davis’ biggest fans. Instead they blame her failed marriage track record for the rise and recognition of gay marriage. They kind of have a point — a warped one, but a point nonetheless. 

In any event, I think marriage should be abolished and the financial benefits taken away. You can say I’m just a bitter single person looking for a tax break. And you’d be right. But what’s the point of getting married when everyone you know has made a perfect mockery of it?

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