‘I’d have a lot to give, if I still gave a damn’

9:43 p.m. Just finished the last work project. And remembered that I FORGOT MY CAR at the mechanic. The guy who never locks the car even though I ask.

Perhaps folks will steal my work possessions from the trunk. And maybe they can go there for two weeks so Goddess can have a proper vacation.

Or at least a vacation from our technology, anyway. Just as well.

OMG I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE our systems. HATE.

The day started off OK enough. I have been asking my buddy for a fix for like ever. It’s so small and stupid but it requires programming skillz on my part to patch up when I use this particular thing about five times a week.

And today I thought well, it’s been a few days since I tried it. Let me try it.

AND THE ANGELS SANG. It was fixed!

So that was all well and good till I wrote a newsletter today. And then went to broadcast it in another system. And even though I watched WITH MY OWN EYES the fulfillment team upload my test and live and seed lists, the system said, O HAI NO TEST LIST — GO AWAI NAO.

So I was about to call my other friend at home when I thought, let me check something out in the document first.

O HAI evil system ATE MY DOCUMENT. ATE IT. ATE THE FUCKING LAYOUT GOD DAMN YOU.

I happened to be chatting with the friend for whom the angels were singing. The guy who can un-fuck-up any fuck-up. And even he’s like, um, the network says you never created the document.

GODDAMN IT I CREATED THE FUCKING DOCUMENT. Here’s a screenshot.

Screenshot.

HAH.

The problem with this GODDAMNED DOCUMENT is a table of information that must be compiled at 4:15 p.m. Otherwise, doom.

So here it is 7:28 p.m. and THANK YOU BABY JESUS I had a visual copy of the table and all the headlines I had written and promptly forgotten.

I decided first reader who has a complaint gets eviscerated.

Finished my next project at 9:36 p.m. Checked e-mail. One reader wrote twice to verify a MOTHERFUCKING TYPO.

He said please call. I ain’t callin’ you for no goddamned typo. I wrote to say GREAT CATCH, YOU DA MAN MOTHAFUCKA. *pat pat pat*

EVISCERATE, YO.

I just heard the lyric blasting out of the living room, “I’d have a lot to give, if I still gave a damn …”

Which, irony. Also, Zac Brown. Which means his duet with Richie Sambora must be about to start …

On to cleaning the house next! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

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