I think I’m going crazy

Just applied for SSDI for Mom. Got denied because she doesn’t have a long enough work history.

I think I cried all night after I got the letter.

Took a long walk this morning to clear my head. One of my last walks along my stretch of the beach/A1A.

Cried some more.

I don’t want to stay at my house. The construction will kill me if the sentimentality about leaving my little beach house doesn’t.

I wonder if this move will break mom’s heart. Or body. She’s been working so hard to pack and clean and organize so I can focus on That Thing That Takes Up Most of My Waking Hours.

But I can see her falling apart. And I can’t dash her hopes that Disability won’t come through. She needs that hope. It’s all she’s got.

Speaking of hope, I still haven’t heard from my new HOA and I still haven’t told Evil Landlady 6 the exact date she can take this place and shove it. She already plans to charge me a penalty but I’m going to fight it in court if I have to.

You know, because spending money on this dump and not say on mom is JUST what I want to do. Grrr.

I know the universe loves and supports me and wants to see me happy, healthy and successful. And that’s the only reason I haven’t yet fallen apart completely.

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