I swear I don’t make this stuff up

Mom went to the doctor the other day — she hasn’t been to one in a hundred years, so she’s rusty, to say the least.

She’s also blonde.

She was telling me about the difficulties she was having, trying to crawl up on the examining table — she was totally confused. I still don’t understand why, but OK, she’s Mom. I know not to question these things. 😉

And maybe I do have a bit of her psychic ability, because when she told me she was given a gown to wear, I said, “Mom, please say you put the opening in the BACK.”


*hysterical laughter*

“Why didn’t you TELL me that BEFORE the appointment?!?!”

Apparently the doctor walked in and wondered what exactly she was SMOKING before she came in to the appointment. 🙂 Her friend had also advised her not to wear scandalous underwear, which she did anyway, and the Good Doctor got a nice view of that, too. Which he appreciated.

One other story: Mom never goes to the doctor (it’s a lack-of-coverage thing, as sainthood — i.e., caring for elderly parents — doesn’t earn you any care of your own). The only time she ever crosses a physician’s path is when she’s dating one. Which the Good Doctor was NOT trying to discern when he asked:

“Are you seeing any other doctors professionally?” (i.e., for other problems.)

To which, she said:

“Nope, but I’m seeing one rather unprofessionally!”

Scared the hell outta him.

She makes me so proud. 😉

Filed under: Sometimes I can’t figure out how we’re related. Other times, how could there ever be any doubt?

4 Responses to I swear I don’t make this stuff up

  1. IndigoSunMoon :

    hahahahahahaha!!! This reminds me of a story my Mom told me once. It was her first trip to the gynecologist, and she had a yeastie beastie. She was very embarrassed, but needed some medicine to cure it, so up on the table she went. Once in the “all exposed” position, the doctor came in and sat down on his little stool to examine her. This is how it went according to Mom.

    Dr: How are you feeling today?

    Mom: Well, It hurts when I pee, and it burns.

    Dr: Well, does it sting?

    Mom: God I hope not! I took a bath!

    Apparently Mom thought the doc said “does it stink.” LMAO

  2. Ted :

    My best friend’s wife went to the emergency room for a GYN matter (she was pregnant), and they ran some tests, including some sort of ‘swab’ down south to check the local body chemestry. She’s in the room, the doctor walks in and starts glancing over the results, reading out loud…

    “…mumblemumble… normal… mumblemumble… normal… saliva….. huh?… saliva… … … oh, ok… mumblemumble… normal…”


  3. Goddess Dawn :

    🙂 Thanks guys — I needed that!

  4. Amy :

    Surely you’ve all heard the story about the woman from Australia who washed her nether regions with her daughter’s wash cloth.

    She got to her appointment and wondered why the doctor kept going on about how she’d “prepared so festively for her appointment.”

    Upon returning home, her daughter was rummaging around in the bathroom and asked where her wash cloth was. A little embarrassed Mum tells daughter it was dirty and she’d tossed it in to be washed, to which the girl complains, “But MUM, my glitter was on that wash cloth.”