Winning Valentine’s Day. Plus, I spy with my third eye …
Best Valentine’s Day ever.
Now, those of you in the loop were aware that I had plans. Plans that I was suspicious of, at best, and scared of, at worst.
Yet for all the whining I do about my job, it saved me. And this came a day after I got a bonus.
I’d say, I totally won this week.
Fridays are always nuts with weekend setups. Then the company is closed Monday, so I had to work yet another day ahead on projects that require other personnel who AREN’T going to work during the weekend like I sometimes do.
And then my sidekick had a family emergency.
A trifecta that meant I didn’t even get to shower, let alone brush my teeth and leave the house in the morning, and which kept me at my laptop well into the dimming of the day.
I told you Mother Nature finds ways to intervene when I say yes.
Thank you, Mother Nature.
I did hear from him around the end of his workday just to ask where I was. I said I was at home. Swamped. Crazy day.
I could tell he was annoyed. I’m not sure WHAT the plans were supposed to be, but I guarantee they were to be north of where I live.
By the fact that I didn’t drive to West Bumfuck, I was probably twice as far away from whatever the meeting place was to actually get there at a reasonable hour.
Now, a small part of me was thinking, I should make the effort. It’s not like I want to spend V-Day alone. I wouldn’t mind being among the living for a change.
But … the feeling that I got in the pit of my stomach when he texted wasn’t one of wild anticipation.
And wild anticipation is a big deal to me. Even if it’s just a friend, I don’t hold my breath and wait to read the text till I’m good and ready.
But the conversation ended there and I finished my work and I took my momma to the full-moon party and bonfire down the block.
I know I have to face him eventually. He’ll stew for three days and then resurface. I know the routine. He’ll ask what I ended up doing Friday. He’ll ask what else is new. He’ll suggest we should get together some other time.
And somewhere in there, he’ll pepper in a comment about me. That I should answer my phone. That I should be courteous and return a call sometime. That I “should” (insert whatever I “should” do).
I almost texted Jupiter to say happy V.D. Mom did, actually. They talk more than I do. He’s hiding in his little turtle shell. I was just thinking of Jupiter for the fact that he managed to dodge every major holiday, birthday, milestone or, fuck, weekend during the time we were whatever we weren’t.
Only once did I really confront Jupiter about his actions (or lack thereof) toward me. I said, “Can you honestly tell me that you don’t enjoy my company or make you feel good about yourself or bring some laughter and light into your life?” He nodded yes, his eyes never leaving mine.
Well, that told me.
Even if it was total horseshit.
I’ve tried the, “It’s not you; it’s me.” I’ve tried the, “I’m busy.” I’ve tried the, “Sure, let’s get a group together — oh wait, everyone else canceled? Maybe I will too.” And I’ve most often done the, “Oops, busy. Because, work.” And I have also used the, “Well, Mom wants …”
The thing with my intuition development, I just don’t feel right here. Even as friends. I spy with my third eye someone with a terrible ex who might take it out on the next.
And before I start to feel too bad, I realize the universe is just showing me how Jupiter might have felt. To give me the perspective he couldn’t.
But a psychic both Jupiter and I love posted something this morning that I can’t get out of my head.
His message said: “Allow yourself to be open to love, and to believe in the love that you see in your fantasy. It does exist — just don’t give your heart away too soon!”
I used to bug Jupiter, why can’t we just hang out as friends (since I was turned off toward him romantically) till we find something better? Why not have companionship while we kill time on this earth? And he could never answer me straight.
I see why now.
No muss, no fuss.
And he’s allowed me to keep my heart till I can get a return on my investment in the right security.
And boy, am I glad for that.