I earned my trip to the crystal shop after this shit

Prepping for coronavirus is like waiting for a hurricane. Only it’s slower and it’s not like it will pass or hit and then life will go back to normal within the week. But you can always count on your president to do nothing to prevent it and botch the response.

But unlike a hurricane, there’s no joking around anymore with your fellow shoppers. Everyone’s just nuts right now. And not hiding their crazy.

No carts left at Publix

I went to a couple Dollar Generals yesterday because Mom likes their brand of birdseed. (And Big Lots. Both of which, we mix with oatmeal from Aldi’s. And peanuts from Texas Roadhouse. And corn shaved off the cob. And grapes. Mom’s oat blend brings all the birds to the yard …)

Anyway, it’s exhausting. But it makes her happy and therefore we drive all over Palm Beach to collect and distribute this stuff.

We know this car!

(And I do it for stray kitties too. They like some natural food that I happened to grab once and now they turn up their cute little noses at everything else. Oh and they love them some Costco rotisserie chicken. Costco cannot close or else I will not be able to face my babies.)

Bella likes salmon, not selfies

In any event, when I’m not being a witch, I’m being Snow White. Ever closer to earning that Disney wedding!

In any event, this cranky old hag chastised me as I was bouncing through the store with all my loot. She said what’s the damn hurry.

I said there are no carts, I have 12 pounds of seed and groceries for two days. I’d like to not drop it. Would you please move over a tad so I can sneak by you?

She grumbled and barely moved. Whatever.

I saw her again and she said, “You need to tell me your hurry.”

I said well I have other things to do today. I have lots of errands to run.

Like WTF dude.

Finally I was in line and she was blocking the doorway and setting off the alarm, waiting for her husband to pull up.

One day the universe will explain why these vomit and headache types seem to find nice ones to bully and emasculate.

Toxic women ruin good men.

But ONE MORE TIME this heaux says, “I DO NOT GET YOUR HURRY.”

I did not say, “Tell me, what is it that qualifies completing a shopping trip for seven items in under 10 minutes a hurry? There is literally NOTHING LEFT TO BUY.”

Her empty cart. Grr.

I did say, “If you are asking if I know something about this pandemic that you don’t, I will say that your president is a disaster and I have people depending on me. I’m happy for you that you do not seem to have that pressure.”


I went to the crystal shop around the corner after that.

The room where it happened.

Bought more black tourmaline, because my last one fell out of my bra and smashed into a million pieces on my marble floor. And selenite, because every witch needs a magic wand. And some heart-shaped lapis lazuli. Because, why not.

Seriously, this social distancing shit is sounding better and better every day.

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