‘I don’t wanna work’

Not just an anthemic song for the working poor, but my declaration. I don’t want to work. That could be why I ain’t got no job. 😉

I’m chasing after a couple of clients for about four grand in back pay right now. It is just not fair that they are traveling the world and I’m counting myself as lucky enough to afford Wal-Mart yogurt. Seriously.

I have piles of work to do though. I am not going to jeopardize my back pay by not working now. This is fun. Not.

Bottom line — I don’t 100% trust anyone that there will be pay given after services rendered. And frankly, everything cuts into my “sitting on my ass” time, which I’d rather be doing if I’m not making money.

Whatever happened to the girl who worked around the clock (certainly for no additional pay) just to impress?

So in other news, I now have three — wait, four! — friends who got engaged in the last couple weeks. I couldn’t be more thrilled for all of them. They all found fantastic men and will have great lives with them.

And don’t get me started on gay marriage legalization. Great — even more reasons to feel sorry for oneself for being single. I can’t even claim to be gay anymore!

I’m trying not to have the pity party here. I know I could have gotten married here or there. No, no proposals or rings to my name or anything (damn!). But I know I could have been shacked up with someone other than my mother by now. Or, more likely, very happily divorced. 😉

Speaking of, a voice from my LONG ago past sent me a note this morning. He chased me for a while in college. Then he moved to the city I always wanted to live in. We lost touch till the miracle of Facebook brought us back together.

The story is short. We talked a lot. Made plans for me to visit. And when I finally said OK, I will be there for New Year’s Eve on whatever year, and I’m gonna go buy the train ticket, somebody evaporated from the earth … until after New Year’s.

He tried reaching out a couple times after that. Like nothing had happened. (Well, I guess THAT is fairly accurate.) I quit answering those calls. Fade to black.

Anyway, I just got a note from him saying he’d love to reconnect. I’m sure he does. I’m sure he, like me, is still single and confounded as to why. (I could share a few hints…)

I wish him well. I really do. I don’t think there’s been anyone who’s ever been in my heart against whom I would turn unless they did something REALLY hideous.

But I don’t know if I will take him up on that offer to reconnect, either. This whole “Wizard of Oz” business of everybody showing up someplace else has run its course. And unless someone’s gonna jump on a plane and sweep me off my feet (HIGHLY unlikely in his case), a nice Facebook exchange now and then is enough.

Seriously, I just wanna write my novels and have my friends and exes and even my enemies show up as characters. I imagine that I remember the best versions of them — I get my heart broken enough without the added stress of finding out that I might have been wrong. I get enough of that grief in the professional world.

Anyway, Imma try to fill my heart with love and light and do a project today that I can’t do during the workweek. And I will try not to think about just what might have happened if I’d gotten on that train, good or bad, anyway…

One Lonely Response to ‘I don’t wanna work’

  1. Mel :

    You could be in a nice miserable relationship. I am hoping this 3rd engagement is a charm.