Hello weird fat roll

No weight loss this week. Small gain. I was surprised. Like, I ate less this week than I normally do. The hell, man?

I noticed on two days that I didn’t drive all the way out to hell’s gate that I didn’t drink my usual ocean of water. I wonder if that made the difference.

I tried not to get too down about it — after all, I’m finding more things in my closet that fit so yay non-scale victory. But then I went to Kohl’s and found OMG THE PERFECT DRESS. And it FIT.

But I didn’t buy it.

Problem was, something ain’t right about me. And that’s been worrisome.

I guess when you’re a pudgy pork roast ass overall, you don’t zero in on your flaws because you’ve got so many of them. Like, when I was younger, I’d sit in the mirror for HOURS and obsess over earlobes and eyebrows and other silly things. But once you get fluffy, nobody’s looking at the fact that you have one green eye and one hazel eye. Or anything else.

So this dress was in my favorite color combination of cobalt blue and black. and it was a wrap dress. Also my favorite style.

But apparently fat rolls really aren’t like the rings of Saturn or else they’d dissipate evenly. I have a waist on one side of my body and a fat roll on the other side. I don’t get it at all. My spine seems to be straight and my hipbones feel like they’re in the right place.

So, terrific. Hello weird fat roll on my right-hand side. Maybe you could go reinflate the right boob a bit since it seems to have deflated quicker than the left one in this particular weight-loss odyssey?

The small gain didn’t bug me. But feeling kind of freakish totally is.

I remember Roseanne Barr (Arnold?) complaining two decades ago about losing weight. She said you have to gain weight again to pound out all the stretch marks. Me, I have to have even fat rolls instead of one swimming wing and one normal side of my waist!

Comments closed.