Hard week. But a good one. Goodbyes suck.

The title sums up the week.

It was a tough one. My 17-hour Monday workday was the longest. A friend came in from Thailand Tuesday and I got to spend quality time with him this week. Another friend who recently left Florida for my “home state” of Virginia (shut up, D.C. is my adopted home. Although I really have been missing Pittsburgh of late) came back to town and it was so good to have him back.

And today they both said goodbye.

I cried the first part of the ride home. Usually I cry on the way to work. But this week I looked forward to seeing my friends, and to hanging out with them and our colleagues after-hours for a change because I managed to leave before 7 for the middle three days of the week.

Even the security guard almost fell over dead when she saw me skate out yesterday. Well, “skate out” after 6. Isn’t it sad that my “leaving early” is others’ “working overtime”?

Anyway, work was hard this week. I discovered pockets of rage I didn’t know I had. I mean, I almost broke my phone after one particularly frustrating call.

And I felt the bus tracks on my back Monday. Which manifested in me feeling the ice and wrath today big-time from someone I didn’t mean to get thrown under with me.

It was nice being at home Monday but I fear my presence stressed mom out to unprecedented proportions. And she’s frail already.

I did get validated by the smarty-pants people in tech this week. The head of the department wanted to learn all the systems I have to use. (I swear I spend 2 hours a day editing and the other 10-15 being my own software and systems support.) He said no reasonable human being probably could remember all the steps to all the systems I use. I really do have my own unique role that no one can replicate. I guess it’s job security but I do get those “two months before leaving Ye Olde Employment Establishment” twinges when I started to stop caring about abdicating my title of Goddess of All She Surveys.

(If not for the Great Recession, I wonder if I would have ever left D.C. I genuinely don’t think I would have.)

Anyway, the good outweighed the bad this week. And there were liberal heaping steaming piles of both.

I hope I can look forward to days and weeks like these again. Because if Ye Olde Employment Establishment did anything right, it was to ensure we played as hard as we worked. We didn’t play often but when we did, we didn’t get an ounce of shit for it.

Anyway, goodbyes. My boys are off to their next destinations this weekend. And here I sit, stuck in neutral and living a mile from the airport and watching and wishing I could be on one of those flying birds, too.

I had trouble with today’s goodbyes. I mean, I was cheerful and full of hugs and happy thoughts and “can’t wait till next times.” But I’ve said enough goodbyes in my life to last ten thousand lifetimes. I miss my D.C. family. I miss my college friends from Pittsburgh. I miss my blog friends from Long Beach to London. I miss the colleagues who saw me more than my family. I’d say I miss the people I’ve dated but my jobs never let me get to know them well enough, anyway.

After I wiped my tears away and went to the gas station that serves as the halfway point between the alligator farm and the beach I only see for three minutes during the morning commute, I decided it’s time to find my great love.

Mom often asks me, if I met the right guy, would he put up with the fact that I work all day and do far too many favors for friends in my free time? And you know what? I would cut back. Way back.

I don’t want to imply I have a choice now and I choose to drive myself into an old-age home sixty years too early. I just mean that if I weren’t SO worried about money and security because I’ve got mouths to feed that can’t feed themselves. But once I can evaluate whether I”m doing it for the love of something more than the rent check clearing, I would be a better asset to everyone.

So, love. Count me in. It’s time to stop saying goodbye. Time to find someone who wants to stick around, whom I WANT to stick around. What the hell, right? I’ve done everything else. Time for a real challenge and I’m thinking this is it!

Well, car appointment in the a.m. since Car Clinic once again failed me on their repairs. Good times …

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