Happy enough

I think it’s safe to say that I have officially seen every apartment within a five-mile radius of the one I currently occupy. Maybe a 10-mile radius. Jeez.

I had called this one place when I moved last year, and the guy was such a dick on the phone, I refused to see it based on his rudeness. I called back this year and loved the guy on the phone, so I made an appointment for today. I showed up for it and OMG, perhaps this was the dick from last year. He said I didn’t have an appointment. (Fucker couldn’t speak English — no wonder he couldn’t find my name in the computer, ’cause I KNOW he didn’t type it right after I spelled it four times.) Then he tossed a brochure at me and wished me well. I asked if I could at least see a unit, but he told me nope — couldn’t. It was like pulling teeth to learn that the model was only a 1BR, at which point I said, “You know? I don’t want to see it anyway.”

To say I was upset was an understatement. For what they charge per month, they should have fed me bon-bons and given me a foot massage. But alas, it was a sign to keep running, since I wasn’t smart enough to do it in the first place.

Alas, I saw more places, and stopped when I found the one I love. A little pricey but not as much as 95% of the places I’ve seen. It was cheaper because I have to pick up more utilities, but that I can at least spread the wealth over two paychecks and not just part with one in its entirety, we’ll call it a plus.

Not to mention, it’s so close to where I live, I can do most of the move myself and maybe recruit some unfortunate souls for furniture transport. *bats lashes*

It feels good to know that I have a plan again. And that maybe next year, I’ll get my laptop as I will hopefully NOT be moving again!

It’s weird because I realized how much I need a friend right now. I have good friends, but everyone’s got a million things going on and I try not to take up too much (if any) of anyone’s time. I date here and there and maybe even more “there” than “here” lately, and I try to just be on my best behavior and not let them know that I’m as real as it gets. I’m usually cool and laid-back but I do get riled up and need for them to understand that I don’t want to be hiding the 10% of me that I don’t let them see.

Bottom line, I just need a few minutes here or there to rant and maybe even cry, so I can get back to normal. And I guess that’s why I blog, because I let perfect strangers become more intimate with me than anyone whose flesh I could reach out and actually touch.

I felt really bad today because I used my mom as that person — I admitted I was scared I couldn’t afford this or do this or take another minute of drama because I am going to collapse because I’m so afraid Im going to do all of this and regret whatever decisions I make. So of course she took it as me not wanting to “inherit” her and thus leaving her destitute. *sigh*

You know, I don’t have kids. I don’t want to have to filter myself and pretend everything’s OK or that it’s going to be eventually. I want to say what’s on my mind so I can get it OFF my mind and move on to the next thing. But I guess it’s like being a parent or being at work — you just have to grit your teeth and quietly flip people off from behind the safety of a closed door. 😉

In any event, the new apartment building keeps me in D.C. (huzzah!) and I am sure this one won’t reject me the way the last one did. I feel like the shitkicker has been removed from atop my trachea — I feel like I can make plans and be all right. Besides, I walked in and two good-looking gay men were running the show, and I felt right at home.

And that’s what I’ve been waiting to feel all along.

It’s not perfect, or anywhere close, but at this point, I’ll gladly take “happy enough.”

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