Fuck Marry Kill, corporate edition
Kelly introduced me to the idea of Non-Player Characters, or Non-Playing Characters, in Disney.
We were surrounded by useless people the world and certainly the parks didn’t need.
Heather is the perfect NPC. She’s not a main player in the video game. You don’t play her. She’s just some random figure that drifts in and out and serves no purpose but as part of the scenery.
But the thing about NPCs is, while they don’t move the story along, they do impact YOU.
I type all this to say that I thought the new HR person wasn’t terrible. At first.
Like, I know HR is not your friend and especially not after six months, which is as long as it takes them to get indoctrinated.
I’m guessing it’s her six month mark.
Because we are asked to fill out a fun survey on our anniversaries now. 25 questions and she’ll pick five answers.
I filled it out dutifully, as I need to set the example. I sent a photo of me and the owner.
And after the 25th question, I put in a little joke that I literally wrote (NOT FOR PRINT).
Guess which of the 25 questions she picked … WITH THE NOT-PC THING … and sent that along with my photo of me and the owner … to the whole goddamned company?
Look, I have no shame. None. You can’t take a joke, you don’t fucking know me.
But not when it’s in print next to a picture of the OWNER of the company.
I messaged her and I asked if she’s OK? Like, you’re HR, right?
It was a rookie mistake on my part. I know better.
Women in leadership hate other women in leadership.
I’m easy enough to take down because I have no filter. It’s super easy to pin my words on this donkey.
But I absolutely insist on having the moral high ground over Heather.
(Who, I can do five posts about her fucking useless weekly calls. Christ.)
Non-Player Character 2 — er, HR — edited my post.
I said how did it pass your filter? She said she was looking for “juicy” replies.
I see why no one fills out this shit now.
As CH said to me, “Juicy is for bachelorette parties.”
And as Shan said to me, because Question 25 was about memorable quotes to live by, “If at first you don’t succeed … it’s only ATTEMPTED murder.”
CH said maybe next survey will be a nice “Fuck Marry Kill, corporate edition.”
Fuck NPC 1 and 2, Marry my team, Kill myself.