Dressing up, getting torn down

Dropped off the car at a new mechanic today. Nothing scares me more than living with my mother for the rest of my life than having her drive me somewhere. Oy.

Going to the mechanic reminds me of why I hate going to the doctor. I think I’m fine, but as soon as they look under the hood, I just KNOW whatever they’re going to find is going to be expensive to fix.

A full-time job opportunity came my way yesterday, with an invitation by the company’s CEO to apply. I’m tempted, although I’m afraid that an “easy” fix now would mean bowing to the “Trade Alert” gods and forever sealing my fate as “alert bitch.”

I think where all my fear comes from in life is having nowhere to turn. (A self-induced state, I’m aware.) I have friends with WAY worse problems than I ever *knock on wood* will. But they have kickass partners — they have teamwork. It’s a little different for the rest of us who are a bit lacking in the support system area.

I was thinking about the last battle I walked away from, last year. I should have hired a lawyer. I should have unveiled my notebooks full of documentation. I should have gleefully and graphically shared my story with anyone who would listen. I should NOT have accepted the equivalent of blackmail.

And I am determining whether there is still some recourse.

But for today’s near-drama-free existence — which I never would have experienced had things not gone so horribly awry — I think I am OK without disrupting that.

By moving on, I’ve been blessed with good friends, peace of mind, and a near-constant exposure to entrepreneurial spirits. Nobody’s clinging desperately to roles they were never qualified to fill in the first place. No catering to everyone else’s whims that are squarely designed to create tension because that’s the only thing others know how to operate in/manage.

Sure, I’m chained to my ‘puter all damn day and don’t have anything to show for it. (It was one thing when there were two feet of snow on the ground, but to be locked up all day looking at the ocean from behind glass? Not so fun.) But it beats dressing up and being torn down.

So, anyway, the job opportunity. I know the people doing the hiring. They aren’t like that. Of course, that’s what I thought the last dozen times around, too. Besides, I’m just not ready. I may never be.

Of course, that depends on how today goes, as it’s the start of another new product for a current project. I may be begging for that interview by 4 p.m. We shall see. Based on past experience, though, I just don’t have enough lips for all the butt that is required to be kissed.

That’s why companies have to provide healthcare … the people they put in charge of you are the ones who CAUSE all the ailments!

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