Devoid of thought

When I say the least, sometimes, I’m thinking the most. When men sometimes turn all women-y on me and ask what I’m thinking, it’s like the gender roles must reverse completely, as I say, “Nothing.”

Sometimes it’s true; sometimes nothing could be further from reality.

I’ve been inside my head about the apartment-hunting situation. The “affordable” place (by D.C. proper standards) is in an “enh” area, but the slightly-above-my-price-range place is in a great area. For a frame of reference, I need to be prepared to spend $300 a month more than I do now, and I’m already broke most of the time after I take out rent, utilities, car, insurance, cable, cell phone and incidentals. I don’t take trips, I don’t have furniture. And I’m inheriting someone to take care of, too. You do the math — it’s making my head swim.

I don’t mean to imply I’m not doing well. I got my W-2s yesterday, and my first thought was, “Wow! It took me two years to make THAT at my last job!” And my second thought was, “For all the time I put in, that’s ALL I was worth?” Heh. 🙂

I’m struggling right now between the two apartments, probably because I don’t love either one and keep thinking the “right” one is still out there. I am APPALLED at D.C. real estate. Any assholes out there calling for a bubble might want to pull their heads out of the warm anal canals where their noggins have been nestled, because when people can’t afford to buy $300,000 condos, they have to rent. And thus, management companies get PAID for the privilege of giving shelter to those who can’t afford to buy.

I’m thinking of going with the more expensive place, mainly because I am a sucker for convenience — and hot damn, Starbucks is across the street. And they offered to paint the walls for me, and again, see “convenience: sucker for.” And when people ask me where I’m considering, they’ve at least heard of the “good” place, so maybe that’s my sign.

Moreover, it’s been said that you’re as successful as you picture yourself. If I’m in a place I view as second-rate, I don’t want my confidence to slide to that level. Dress for the position you want, so to speak. Be where you want to be and, thus, be who you want to be. Or some other “Stuart Smalley” shit like that! 😉

My bottom line here is that I would rather struggle and live in a nicer place because I can grow into it, financially. I can get a weekend job. I can put off the new-computer purchase for another year. I’ll probably never get to Paris, anyway. I lived in a place I hated once — I was miserable. Not to say any place I’ve looked at would be horrible, but for as much money as you have to shell out for your second choice, isn’t it worth it to take the place you feel a little more confident about?

What sucks is the reason I picked my current building was for the social calendar, and I just got our events list for February-March and damn it, they’re offering some really good stuff — trips out of the city, plays, parties, etc. I almost don’t want to leave where I am now! 🙂 Oh well — hopefully I can participate in a couple of things before I go. I just wish I knew where I am supposed to be going!

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