Caterwauling

Deep as a Petrie dish, but still.

I had a dream the other night in which I put a Post-It Note on my calendar with a profound little quote, which was:

“Your vision is your value; everything else is secondary to your ideas.”

For the record, that note is now on my calendar. 🙂

This probably stemmed from remembering a conversation from before I started my new job, in which they saw me coming in as a “thought leader.” And I’ve been feeling like I’ve been doing anything BUT living up to that expectation … as it was equally MY expectation.

But alas, the hamster wheel starts to roll and you just jump in because that’s what you’ve always done. And it’s hard to generate ideas when your head’s full of everything else.

I got a good piece of advice the other day, to always make sure I’m ahead of the game — that I’m not always playing catch-up so I can have time to brainstorm and/or handle the unexpected crises. I realized this advice was hardly news to me — I always strive to be a step or two ahead. But it’s just impossible sometimes, and any new crisis just bumps the already past-due stuff, even-more past-due.

Anyway, I didn’t jump in here to kvetch. Things are going OK. I’m stressed out about everything but I’m also so brokenhearted that I can’t muster up the inclination to worry too much. Just like I have faith that Maddie reached her rainbow bridge and we’ll see each other again soon enough, I have to believe everything else will work out the way it should, as well … especially since it all seems so unimportant in comparison to everything else.

Another “deep thought” came to me as I was watching my church’s online services on Sunday morning. The pastor had everyone snap their fingers and reminded us that this is how quickly God can turn things around for us. Just in a snap. Just a heartbeat. Just an instant.

I’ve been snapping my fingers in hopes Mom will get a JOB in an instant, just because it is my greatest dream.

Sad how small my dreams have become.

And if my vision truly IS my value, and all I care about is putting my left foot in front of my right, lather/rinse/repeat, then what world-changing events am I capable of that will never come to fruition as my big dreams lie dormant?

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 12th, 2009 at 7:13 AM and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.