Coloring inside someone else’s lines

I realize that I stare at the computer so much because I either have nothing to work with, or crap to work with. Never something juicy and decent and begging for a simple polishing. I know I’m an overachiever and all, but part of the delay in my day is wondering how the fuck to make fondue out of government cheese, or squeezing seven courses out of a cup of rice and a ray of sunshine.

Anyway. I’m just waiting to hear whether or not the Fed will raise interest rates, and by how much, if they do. Exciting times here. Don’t you wish you were me?

I scheduled myself off for a week and a half, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to take it all. I’ve purposely not raised my hands for (m)any new projects so that I can have this time. In fact, I have no doubt that I would sit at home on my “vacation” and research all the stuff I need so I can come back without feeling completely submerged.

My new hire actually came from the other side of the company. And she remarked that she used to be able to close her door for a few hours and do the “thinking” work with ease. But over here, there’s never a real break from urgency. You can’t shut your door, turn off your phone, ignore your e-mail or just plain THINK for 15 consecutive minutes because you will miss something, just as sure as the sun will shine.

That explains why all my “thinking” work waits till everyone else goes home. There’s enough busy/boring work to last all day, night and month, for that matter.

The good news is that one of my projects just got a green light to spend some money on it and make it something special. Now, having the manpower to execute it is a whole ‘nother issue. But maybe it will be easier to procure it once I can say, “Well, we spent ALL this money to get it THIS far. …” 🙂

I noticed that the ideas started flowing again, once I heard we’re going forward with this minor empire of a project. We are all held back by time and a lack of ability to have these ideas implemented. But I’m going to keep dreaming on it anyway — nothing bores me more than having to color inside someone else’s lines.

I mean, I’m good at what I do — I’m GREAT at what I do. But there’s so much more I NEED to do, to feel personally fulfilled. To grow. To look back and go, “Damn. I kicked ass.” Instead, it’s usually, “Wow. This day kicked my ass.”

So, today I’m grateful for being given a blank sheet of paper and a brand new 64-pack of Crayolas. I hope I can get enough of that “thinking” time to create a work of true magnificence that others will be overjoyed to help me to fill in, and not yet-another hastily scrawled outline that I have to fill in if I want it to get done at all.

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