Cat for sale

OK, I am hacking into my neighbor’s wireless network to type this.

So, Kadie is very afraid of our balcony, as she’s not quite used to being on the seventh floor. Anytime I go out for a smoke, she stays very close to whichever sliding-glass door I’ve opened. (I have three.)

Last night, she got brave and walked around the perimeter of the balcony. It’s pretty big — probably 50 feet wide by 25 feet deep. Big selling point for me taking this place, actually.

I’ve feared that she will jump off the balcony like she did three apartments ago. But I also didn’t think her furry little ass would fit through the rails.

So, tonight she pulled a fast one and ran onto the neighboring balcony. Problems there are:

1. Nobody lives there.
2. There are six units on our side of the building, so she could theoretically have ripped across them all.
3. The railing is fucking impossible to climb. No footholds, kinda flimsy, etc.

So she decided she really liked her spot next door, and would not come to me for a good 20 minutes.

So, my air-conditioning unit is out there. I put down my phone, emptied my pockets, tossed aside my shoes … and hopped up on it and went flying onto the next balcony.

Whereupon Kadie decided to run back onto ours and go back in the house.


So there I was on the other side of the railing for I have no idea how long. I could not for the life of me lift my pudgy pork roast butt over the railing. (Oh, how I tried.)

The unfortunate part is that there is no air-conditioning unit on the other side of the railing. Which means, nowhere to gain a foothold.

And there was my phone, five feet away on my own balcony. …

So after a while, I managed to throw myself over the fucking railing, nearly plummeting seven stories to my death in the process.

Goddamned cat. I REALLY needed a cigarette after that!

3 Responses to Cat for sale

  1. Lachlan :

    Ha! That little brat. Cleo did the same thing at our lake-front apt 4 years ago. AND, just like with you, the apartment two over was unoccupied. I wanted to kick her ass. 🙂

  2. Tiff :

    There has got to be an attractive way to make the space between the rails inaccessible to a kitty. Like, chicken wire, but without the white trash vibe.

  3. The Goddess :

    Yeah, my arrival here signifies that they’re officially letting in the riff-raff. 🙂 I figured I’d put up some fake hedges or something — can’t obstruct anybody’s view but I can’t NOT let Kadie air out her stinky kitty butt!