Or memesploitation. 🙂 Either way, both the title and the meme have been hijacked from Lachlan. Because after 12 hours of work? I can’t come up with nuthin’ on my own. …

But first, this song (Sheila Nicholls, “Elevator”) came to mind while I penned this manifesto:


10 years ago… I was 22 and entering my fifth year of college after dropping out for financial reasons. I had two roommates and I’d just grudgingly agreed to house Maddie for a couple of months as a favor. (Ha — I never gave her back!) I had a retail job in a jewelry store, I’d just quit a job in a clothing store and I picked up a part-time job at the now-defunct Westinghouse. I was still pretty idealistic.

5 years ago…I’d just turned 27. I’d just done something that a lot of people disapproved of. I learned I wasn’t invincible. I got the cartilage on my left ear pierced. That was also the year I started working for my own personal version of “Miranda Priestley” and left a comfortably mediocre (and horrible-paying) job to be terrorized at least hourly. I exchanged my old boss, Miss Piss, for Queen Bitch. I dated the accounting guy, the IT guy and a litany of others I can’t even remember. My idealism was floundering.

1 year ago…I started my job earlier in the year. I met Lachlan and Liv. I developed a crush and dated elsewhere to get over it. I stopped taking lunches at work (out of necessity). My best friend had her little boy a year ago tomorrow and I was amazed that she named him my favorite boy name (and I’d never even told her!). I faced my past and kept walking. I started being OK again after a long time of NOT being anywhere close to fine.

Yesterday… I had three meetings with my publisher. A conference call with a consultant. I vaguely remember watching TV with my boss late in the evening (was it yesterday? Either way, it was totally work related. Totally) and sitting on the swingset at a nearby park, talking to my best friend for two hours. My mom called too but I was too tired to really function verbally anymore.

Today… Started work at 7 a.m. as usual. Ran into the office for an early meeting. Left work at 9 p.m. E-mailed stuff home but let’s face it, I’m fried. And whelmed. My best friend asked why overachievers are rewarded with more work. I had to hang up because I was too busy to answer.

Tomorrow… Start work at 7 a.m. Running in for another early meeting. Panicking because time keeps on slipping (slipping, slipping. …) away as deadlines loom and pass. Will eventually coax myself that my half-assed efforts are better than most people’s best ones and try to go home with a clear conscience. Will also pay bills and do more fretting.

5 snacks I enjoy… I love that Go-Gurt crap, yogurt in a pouch. They’re great to shove in the freezer and get fro-yo whenever. I also like honey-wheat pretzels, chocolate-chip cookies, white cake with chocolate frosting, and cheese. Mmm, cheesseee. …

5 songs I know all the words to…I can sing Bon Jovi (anything of theirs) on a dime. Sabre and I were singing awesome ’80s hair metal on the way up to Baltimore — Vixen’s “Edge of a Broken Heart” comes to mind.

OK, let’s just say I can sing any hair metal song EVER. Not sing it WELL, but sing it nonetheless. 😉

Moving on: Indigo Girls, “Ghost.” Jewel, “Till We Run Out of Road.” Sheila Nicholls, “Elevator.” Bruce Springsteen, “Thunder Road.” Sarah McLachlan, “Elsewhere.”

5 reality television shows I watch… Bring it on! “American Idol,” “Real World,” used to love “Laguna Beach” but now it’s “The Hills,” I don’t know — everything else is interchangeable, but I have to watch it. LOVE reality TV shows.

5 television shows I watch daily… Daily? “The Daily Show,” although that’s prime blogging time and I don’t concentrate much on it. I typically get home late, but I try to catch one thing a night so that I know what day it is!

5 things I would do with $100,000,000… (Editor’s note: I’d make that figure read $100 million! < / anal-retentiveness > )

Pay rent for a year, pay off the creditors (gah. So behind), send a couple million to my family, send another couple million to my best friend, and go out and fucking LIVE for a change and not sit up worrying like I did last night (and many others). I’d start trading stocks — I’ve been watching them for awhile but my nest egg is still in a small change jar, so that ain’t happenin’ for awhile.

I’d be on vacation before the check cleared, I’ll tell you that. Wait, what’s a vacation?

5 locations I would love to run away to… Hawaii, the French Riviera, Southern Italy, Ireland and Mykonos.

5 things I like doing… Dreaming, laughing, brainstorming, writing and swinging on swingsets.

5 things I would never wear…A bikini (or any bathing suit), fake fur (not that I can afford real fur, but if you’re gonna piss off PETA, it’d better be for a reason!), horizontal stripes, ruffles, gold jewelry.

5 recently seen movies I like…“Devil Wears Prada,” “Last Holiday,” “Garden State,” “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants,” “Hope Floats.” (It’s called Netflix. Never said I was up-to-date!)

5 famous people I’d like to meet…Jack Welch, Peter Drucker (I know he’s dead), Bill O’Reilly (I want to sit on his face. And asphyxiate him.), Jon Stewart and Jon Bon Jovi (to sit on his face, but for other reasons. LOL). 😉

5 biggest joys of the moment… Deepening friendships. Easy laughter. Standing up for myself. Rising to challenges. Knowing that this is only the beginning. …

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