Back to our regularly scheduled navel-gazing

I take it back. Not the impeaching Bush part, but at least he said all of his nothing by 8:20 p.m., thank the lord above. I figured with the stuttering, his little address would have run straight into midnight!

I had such a hard time watching “Grey’s” last night, and it’s on again right now to lead up to the big season finale. I read in Entertainment Weekly that “Grey’s” is supposed to start airing on Monday nights next season, so tonight’s off-night finale is just getting us in the groove of giving up all the other good Monday-night TV because this is so much better.

Anyway, it was hard to watch because of Izzie’s desperate actions to get that heart from the other hospital for Denny — to the point of cutting his LVAD and taking Denny closer to death than the guy on the transplant list ahead of Denny. Ugh. We’ve all fucked up at work — and we’ve all had small things go wrong that were blown into a much-more-huge dilemma and drama than they deserved to be — but she takes the fucking cake this week.

What I didn’t understand was that when Burke came back to the hospital to check on Denny, why wasn’t he brought back by helicopter, as that’s how he left? Why was he on the ground at the main entrance where the shooter (was it Petey?) was waiting for his boss to exit so he could kill him. The show closed with Burke lying on the ground motionless after being shot as well. *shudder* Why? Why was Burke out in the open? That’s making me crazy right now.

Anyway, I was watching the show through my fingers. I was so horrified yet I couldn’t turn that channel. I really thought Izzie would come to her senses. (She didn’t.) I thought Denny could talk her out of it. (No luck.) I assumed George could make cooler heads prevail. (Not so much.) I was screaming lots of things that involved the word “fuck” for almost as long as I cursed out the TV on Wednesday night when Chris Daughtry was voted off “Idol”!

But Denny. If — IF — he can be saved, what if Burke dies? What if the first heart does go to Denny but Burke’s heart would go to some stranger? The only consolation I could have to losing Burke would be if his heart could be donated to poor, sweet, pitiful Denny.

OT, I loved Addison’s confrontation with McDreamy, accusing him and Meredith of being the only two people who can’t see that the two of them are still in love. Talk about poor workplace decorum — I thought our beloved Chief was going to suspend her. See, we all get angry at people who bring their personal problems into work. For so many of us, work IS the overriding thing in our lives — it defines our identities, and when you have a rough day, there is nothing to fill you up with any kind of hope that things will be OK because all you can do is go back again the next day and the day after that, just hoping it will get better or at least not rock you until you get back your balance. But then there’s poor Addison, who can’t escape her husband and the woman he loved and still, quite possibly, does.

It seemed that she had one of those moments that I always try to internalize. One of those moments where you just say absolutely every thought you have because the dam of decorum has to burst or else a vein in your head is going to give way instead. Because every one of us who was brought up to be a good little girl — to, the higher and hotter your emotions (good or bad) run, become quieter and calmer because it’s the only way you can maintain any sort of control over the situation. Because you know you can’t win, so why even try? Yet after so many power struggles, notwithstanding the struggles within yourself, you can’t help it — you know you have to explode or else you’ll implode, and who only knows which damage will be more extensive.

“I want you to care. … What do I have to do?” Addison asked McDreamy. A question I myself have oft wanted to pose. A question most of us only ask silently and to which we never really learn the answer. Even though we search high and low for it. And I know where Addison is — she’s afraid that if she walks away, he won’t so much as follow. What she wants is him to run in front of her, stop her, know in that instant that he can’t keep wounding her even though that’s not necessarily his intent. She wants him to know that she aches for him and because of him more than she can ever express. And she wants him to be the source of her happiness or, at least, for him to no longer be the source of the twinge of heartache that he often seems to bring.

Nope, I don’t see myself in these characters at ALL. … 😉

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