Ambiguous meanderings

Some days, do you ever just feel like a bona fide fraud? That maybe you’re a complete lunatic to want more, more, more from life when you can’t even manage to make work what you’ve already gotten? That how dare you even want to make some sort of a shift because you can’t manage to juggle or solve the stuff that’s going to help you to figure out other things?

On the other hand, if you’re having a hard time adapting, can’t things just be custom-tailored to fit you? Maybe I’m a Gen Xer who’s closer to the Gen Y “make it so I want to be a part of it” mentality, but oftentimes I feel like I’m trying to force the proverbial square into the proverbial circular hole. (Although, dare I say that I don’t care *what* goes in the hole, just so long as it’s something!) 😉

I have a funny feeling I’m going to have an “A-ha!” moment in years to come and my older self is going to tell my current self, “Duh — and you thought you had to figure it out all by yourself. All you needed was an example and some help and reassurance.” Then again, the only part of aging to which I look forward is getting to that Zenlike state where I realize that I did my best and all that extra stressing out really didn’t matter.

In the meantime, I’ll try hard not to develop ulcers as I wonder whether I’m really missing the point because I just can’t aim or because it seems like it won’t stop moving.

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