Ain’t easy bein’ green

I love green. My new template belies that. My eyes are green, and I wear lots of it to try to bring them out. (Case in point, this old photo. And for the record, do I have any non-cleavage shots? Yeah, didn’t think so.)

Ahem. Anyway, my mom sent me a valentine today, and in it she gave me a sheet of Muppets postage stamps.

I called her to see just how large of a crack rock she was smoking thank her for thinking of me, and she said, “Yeah, I know you like Kermit, but they wouldn’t do a full sheet of those.”

And I had one of those horrible childhood flashbacks.

“Mom,” I said, “I didn’t like Kermit. In fact, I didn’t much like the Muppets in general. YOU were the one who liked Kermit. You’re the frog collector.”

She was stunned. “But you liked frogs.”

“Because YOU did,” I said.

And then the downward spiral in my mind began.


Maybe my mom was just overly excited about everything when I was a kid, but she liked “Kermie” (as Miss Piggy called him), so much so that I always associated him with her.

One night, I was happily parked in front of the TV when the Muppets came on. I must have been 4 or 5, and I ran to get Mom so she could see her froggy beau.

So I ran into her bedroom to say, “Kermit’s on TV!”

Yeah, that might’ve been true, but my stepfather? Was on HER.


I had no idea, of course, what the hell I’d walked in on. All I remember is her underwear and her beloved Virginia Beach T-shirt lying on the floor.

(That’s where they’d eloped to, and the day before they ran off, I as a precocious 3-year-old had said, “Mommy, don’t do it.” I hated him and didn’t want her to go do whatever it was that meant we were going to have to live with him. No wonder my grandmother thought I was the smartest kid on earth.)

So, I didn’t know what to do, so I closed the door and went back to the TV. And I never much cared for Kermit after that. 😉

I told mom the story today, and she’s more than horrified and is probably killing herself as I type this. But what else is a child to do than to torment her mother for all the things that contributed to screwing (heh) her up in life?!?!

One Lonely Response to Ain’t easy bein’ green

  1. sonderweg :

    Yeah, I have bad association memories like that, too.

    However, I used to love the muppets…still sort of do…