Caterwauling

O HAI vagina on my plate

Originally uploaded by dcwriterdawn

My neighbors think I’m under the illusion that it is Halloween and, not, in fact Christmas … as I stepped on a scale tonight and my screaming would outdo any cartoon in which a woman jumps on a chair and shrieks at the sight of a mouse.

OK, so I’ve basically spent the last three days eating my body weight in, well, everything. It started with a lasagna (albeit veggie) lunch at work on Wednesday (preceded by about four Christmas parties and one special one-on-one lunch) and slid into the Feast of the Indeterminate Number of Fishes^TM / Prime Rib Cage Match^TM at Casa Bridge on Christmas Eve.

(Aside: NOM.)

The feasting continued the next day when I dragged my still-full self to my Christmas brunch reservation at Phillips Seafood. But as I sat there and read the menu, I found it lacking in something.

What was missing? Um, yeah. SEAFOOD.

I figured it’d either be a limited or prix-fixe menu. Um, sure. Yeah. You could get an omelet, French toast or eggs benedict. And while I am quite the fan of “make your own” omelets, do you know what I like to add to them? Say it with me — “SEAFOOD.”

So without ordering, I left a tip on the table and walked out … knowing full well that not a goddamned thing was open at that time.

I was surfing Open Table on my phone, which had given me the bright idea to make reservations on the holiday. I learned the hard way that some places were open early in the day, and some were open for dinner. (Corduroy was in the latter category, which I REALLY wanted to try. But I didn’t feel like killing six hours.)

And the only other available reservation in the area I was in, at that time, was at Legal Sea Foods.

Which, as I’m SURE you’ve picked up by now, piqued my interest since I was hungry for … ah, you know. 😉

It was my first time there, and my server was absolutely amazing. And the food wasn’t too shabby either. Mussels for a starter, woodgrilled scallops for an entree, Shandong dipping sauce (spicy ginger/shittake), jalapeno polenta, snap peas in oyster sauce, and woodgrilled calamari gleaned from someone else’s plate. OM NOM NOM.

OK, so again I’m eating all my points (and everyone else’s) in one sitting, but it’s not so bad if you’re eating one gigantic meal a day and not eating the rest of the day, right?

Well, then when you find out you have another $300 phone bill (second month in a row!), well, you might as well just go eat the four dozen cookies that the phone perpetrator baked and left in your “how long have I been dieting and do you KNOW how weak my willpower is?” line of sight, and in one sitting.

*burp*

Oh well. Maybe Santa will come next year, since his jolly ass seems to have gotten stuck in the furnace once again. And maybe he’ll bring me a damn present instead of more bills.

The good news is, I’ve been mad enough to express my angst. Quite clearly. And repeatedly. And vehemently. I’ve been simmering for far too long. So while my ass may look like two stuffed pork chops, my mind is pretty much empty at as much peace as it can be.

And it was still a calmer holiday than I had as a young lass. I just miss being able to get in the car and go back to my own world. While I don’t miss the drive, I do miss the distance.

Oh well. Maybe next year. No, definitely next year.

The new year will find me back to eating tofu and soy and veggies and all things organic and bland. But it will also find me, well, finding myself. Whoever that is.

Anyway, happy birthday, Jesus (and many more!) and thanks for all the fish.

This entry was posted on Friday, December 26th, 2008 at 7:52 PM and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.