48 hours

“I don’t get no sleep.
No, I don’t get no peace.”

— Caitlin Hart “Girl Crush”

I’m not giving the song credit to Little Big Town because they suck. Caitlin Hart’s version is SO MUCH BETTER.

In any event, I confronted the psycho neighbors Friday morning. I’ve had four months of screaming and floor-rattling. I’ve had it with them telling the cops/security/HOA that “It isn’t us.”

So I’ve been parking my ass outside their door, their car door and even my door, recording them.

Yesterday after another night of no sleep and being violently awakened to whatever they needed to yell about, I said, “I need you to keep it down at least during sleeping hours.”

They started yelling at ME.

If that doesn’t prove things, I don’t know what does.

Illiterate assholes.

I got the whole “it isn’t us; it’s the people above us” line. Bullshit. I know Maia and her boyfriend. I introduced myself to them and learned how miserable it is to be their upstairs neighbor.

But I didn’t say that. I kept my cool till the end.

I said if that’s true, and even if it isn’t, it is up to US to set the example in this community.

Further, I said this is a quiet community and yours are the only voices I hear. And your brats rattle my ceiling and you apparently think it’s cool to drop things all day. It isn’t. And you can’t blame that on anyone else.

Knowing they were busted, the He-Banshee started screaming at me that he’s allowed to do whatever he wants in his own house and it’s my fault that I hear them.

Oh the fury, on both our parts.

I said you pay for your space and I pay for my space. And I will be happy if they never overlap. But I know every word you people say and I know all your business because you’re so loud about it.

(Mom had heard the She-Banshee saying that she doesn’t want the neighbors to know her business. BOOYA, BITCH.)

I almost said that I hear him whine how the She-Banshee “doesn’t love him.” But there was some guiding force in the universe that was holding back my Inner Bitch with a straitjacket. And only sensible things seemed to come out of my mouth.

They said they and their friends have seen me watching them. And I am welcome to come up anytime to see that everything in their house is fine. They said they let the cops and security see that all is well, too. And that they are ASLEEP when the cops come.

(I always tell the cops they smash things and that they have two babies. Because, truth.)

Also, truth that they are the ones causing the commotion.
Like hell they are asleep. But it occurred to me that they still don’t know I’m the one who’s been reporting them.

I said I don’t care what you do in there. Just let me get some damn peace. I work from home and I like to go to bed at a normal hour. How about they put their babies to bed instead of letting them run around all night.

At this point the He-Banshee is as red in the face as his dark complexion would allow, and he’s screaming at me that I should go buy a house if I don’t like hearing them. Apartment walls are thin and it’s my fault I CHOOSE to hear him and he’s a great neighbor and he’s not changing anything for me and I can just LEAVE.

I lost it there. I said YOU should buy a house. Take your mouth and your kids and let them run around and grow up where they aren’t making other tenants want to run them out of town. I said I’d rather move than spend another minute around people who refuse to modulate their voices.

They didn’t know what modulate means.


Then the She-Banshee led him away. I’ve noticed that with their fights. She will instigate every one of them, get him riled up, and then leave him screaming down the hall after her.

So anyway, I got a good 48 hours. Not silent, but bearable. And then I awakened to an eruption this morning.

Back to normal I guess.

But it’s interesting.

Even Mom said, for all their combativeness and disrespect toward me, she said they really seemed like they knew something was different. That now that I’ve had this chat with them, I’m going to back it up and hold them accountable.

They are trash and they have proven it time and again. Unfortunately I have no choice but to live with it till one of us leaves. I documented the part where he admitted “he can do what he wants and you can go buy a house” for the HOA. They said they’ve heard that from him before; their speech sounds pretty rehearsed.

But the way I figure, people who don’t know what “modulate” means certainly don’t document anything. So, everything is in my favor right now.

I just can’t help but get the feeling that if I were the noisemaker, I’d be out on my ass instead of everyone shrugging and saying, “Welp, can’t do anything.”

I don’t know why these fuckers get special favor. But if I have to be the one to run them out of town (or else lose the rest of savings on relocating), it’s what I have to do …

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