14 days

Thundercunt and Big Giant Pussy were arguing as usual this morning until he stopped, walked outside and asked where the ducks were.

Let me tell you about that.

Yesterday some yahoo in a golf cart filled with yucky blue solution went all around the pond and dumped that toxic shit into it.

One duck who was hanging out in the marsh dared to squawk in complaint. And that motherfucker beamed the spray right at her little beak and silenced her with a wave of chemicals.

I didn’t want to believe it was toxic. But we have a ball player here who takes two tennis balls to the lake every day with his dog. He clearly didn’t see the polluting of the lake like we did. So when he threw a ball to the water per usual and the dog stopped just shy of it and retreated, our fears were confirmed.

There is not a duck, turtle, iguana or bird to be found on the property today.

I couldn’t sleep last night. The silence (of the real animals, not the zoo animals upstairs) was killing me.

I know that the Bible says that no weapon formed against us will ever prosper. But they sure do seem to kill everything we love.

Today all the ugly dogs are running around off-leash, shitting with abandon where the ducks used to congregate all “City of Angels”-style.

Many times over the eight years that mom has lived in my house, I’ve told her no decorating outside. No welcome shit on the doors. No doormats. None. Personalize it inside all you want. Just … don’t invite people to steal our joy.

I thought she learned that lesson at Amityville, when we were told not to decorate our doors or balconies.

When people know it’s a happy home, they will do everything to target it with their own miserable little hearts.

It’s the same thing with being a happy person. I’ve endured more than my share of bullies and jerks who hate it that I can smile and sing under my breath no matter what’s happening.

But as I’ve said the last eight years, I can’t buoy us both. She’s so down and depressed by everything in her life plus the taking away of the little joys like enjoying nature.

I’ve been chirping away for 40-odd years that we have to speak favor into existence. Give thanks for our health and safety. Believe our God is bigger than the bullshit.

We are falling down on the job of believing that the rewards will be bigger because of the bullshit. I guess we’ve seen otherwise too many times.

I guess if I have one prayer today, it’s that the ducks could somehow understand our own safety was in jeopardy for feeding them. I pray that they found other sources of food and other, safer places to congregate before they were poisoned.

I remember feeding the neighborhood kitties and getting in trouble for that. Then Animal Control took them all away and exterminated them.

Mom and I love the unloved. And they are all taken away from us.

She said we just shouldn’t love anymore.

I know I should fight it and say no, we will keep on spreading joy wherever we can.

But I’m tired of fighting and never winning.

I just wish the other people in this goddamned apartment building would stop fighting. But then again, they all seem to win. And none of them is on the side of goodness like we try to be.

Maybe if I start doing evil, I’ll start winning too.

Too bad I am not the slightest bit capable of it.

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