10 years

No, that’s not how long it’s been since I left my desk at work (although it’s been more than 13 HOURS). It’s the 10-year observance of the passing of Princess Diana.

It’s been all over the cable news channels today, and I hate to admit it, but it was a welcome break from Ben Bernanke and Prez-e-dent Shrub. (Incidentally, did you catch “Celebrity Rap Superstar” last night? They had better grammar than Shrubbish in his talk today.)

Anyway, I remember where I was when I heard the news. A lot has changed since then. Different city, different circle of friends. I know how to get in touch with all of them, although wanting to? Meh. Those ships sailed and even sank, for the most part.

I was 23, working a job I HATED, and I went drinking every weekend and pretty much most weekdays, too. Now I’m 33, working a job I love, and working nights and weekends instead of partying. Awesome. I’m probably earning four times as much, but I’m paying about five times as much for rent. Gained two cats and too much weight. Lost a ton of friends and probably that much weight … and gained it back again. Was smoking a pack a day then; now smoking a pack a month.

I remember wanting so very much to be taken seriously in my career; now I’m wondering where the hell all this responsibility came from. 😉 I was an angry, disgruntled supervisee who detested every idiot above me who couldn’t spot talent if it was shoved in their mouth like a ball gag. Now I’m going with the flow and being hands-off and open to every new idea I hear, having learned what it was like to not be provided that opportunity for most of my career.

I’m still as relationship-stunted as ever. I still run at the first sign of not even conflict, but lack of absolute adoration on my part. It takes a LOT for me to let my guard down even the slightest bit, and I want to be wooed and courted and romanced and dazzled. If I’m not, I’m gone. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, end of story. If you’re going to show me something, you need to show me everything.

So many things have changed since that night in which the four of us then-friends sat in an empty apartment, listening to the news of the princess’ death on the radio because that was our only connection to the outside world. My grandparents are gone. Only two friends from that time in my life are still around. I’ve attended as many weddings as I have funerals and bought more baby gifts than both combined.

I’ve lived in almost as many apartments as years that have passed. I rose in one field, started over at the bottom of another and am rising to the top of that one, only to be experimenting with a new field that combines the best of both. I’ve gone from spreading myself thin with several jobs at once to spending the same amount of time at one, but that’s what I wanted.

I’ve got the same cat and added another. I’ve got more friends that I’ve never met than I have in real life. I’ve met a lot of famous and pseudo-famous people and traveled to a bunch of different cities. My dreams have gotten smaller due to disillusionment and yet grow bigger as I decide that hey, they’re still good dreams after all.

It’s been quite the decade, and it’s only just that — both a milestone and a stepping stone.

Here’s to another eventful 10 years in which I will look back and be amazed and just how fast it went by and how far I managed to go. Cheers to looking back, fondly.

One Lonely Response to 10 years

  1. Extraordinary Girl :

    Some really well written retrospection, there. Made me think of where I was, and HOW my life was at the time, too.

    Change can be SO cool, yet SO crappy at the same time.

    Cheers, Goddess!